The Way
by LLPotter
Summary: MWPP era to the end of their lives. Remus likes Sirius. Sirius likes Remus. Will they get together? And if they do will people be able to accept it? Follows their lives from when they get together to their deaths. Slash. ON HIATUS.
1. Dark

Disclaimer: Sadly, all these wonderful characters belong to J.K. Rowling.  No copyright infringement is intended. I'm making no money, so please don't sue!  The song belongs to Clay Aiken.

A/N:  This is the first first person point of view story I've ever done, so bear with me.  The point of view will change a lot, so I'll always tell you whose talking.  The lyrics to Clay Aiken's song "The Way" are scattered through the first chapter are in** Bold**_. That's all I have to say for now, enjoy._

Warning: This story is slash- meaning a male/male relationship.  If this bothers you please don't read, or read but don't tell me that you dislike it because it is slash.  If you haven't hit the back button by now, I assume that you have no problem with it and want me to shut up now.  So, enjoy.

Sirius' POV

            It's dark.  I've always liked the dark.  It hides things; it keeps secrets.  The dark doesn't care who you are or where you've been; it just listens.  I've got nothing against light.  Light helps you see things, things like Remus Lupin.    

            I've had a crush on Remus for a while now; I think that I may even love him.  He can never know how I feel though.  As in the Muggle world, homosexuality is not widely accepted here.  I can think of three reactions to this knowledge that might come from him: 1 he'd freak out and never talk to me again. 2: he'd calmly tell me that it could never happen, that he just doesn't like me like that but could we still be friends. 3: he actually does like me like that.  I think that number two is most likely, that's just the way that he is.  One comes next, then three.  I give three about a 1% chance.  So, I can't tell the golden eyed werewolf how I feel.  I don't want to ruin what we have.

          Right now I'm laying in our sixth year dorm watching him sleep.  The moonlight falls on his thin form; too thin.  The moon takes its toll on him so much, but there's nothing that I can do.  He says that Padfoot helps and I believe him.  Before James, Peter, and I learned how to transform, he was a lot worse off, but it is still painful for him.  I want to take him in my arms and comfort him so bad it aches, but I cannot.  He wants no sympathy, and I can't say that I blame him.  So for now I'll just watch him sleep……

          **There's somethin' 'bout the way**

**          You look tonight**

**          There's somethin' 'bout the way that**

**          I can't take my eyes off you**

**          There's somethin' 'bout the way your lips invite**

**          Maybe it's the way I get nervous when you're around**

            I have terrible insomnia.  I have ever since I was a very small child.  It's driven by the fear of my mother.  Only two other people know about it; Remus and a late house elf named Krare.  I say late, because my mother killed her three years ago.  Her head hangs on the Black family manor wall now along with all of our other late house elves.  Her nasty son Kreature is our elf now.  My mother calls her the worst house elf ever, I call her the best.  Since she is no longer living, I guess that only one person knows.  

          It's almost midnight now.  He'll come any minute, he always does.  Before he does, I let my mind wander back to Remus.  I think that I realized that I liked him and that I was gay in the summer before fourth year.  I missed him a lot, and couldn't stop thinking about him.  It was when I saw him on the platform on September first that it fully hit me.  The way that his hair fell into his beautiful amber eyes and the way that I felt when he hugged me in greeting; he was perfect and he still is….

          **And I want you too be mine**

**          And if you need a reason why**

**          It's in the way that you move me**

**          And the way that you tease me**

**          That way that I want you tonight**

**          It's in the way that you hold me**

**          And the way that you know me**

**          And when I can't find the right words to say**

**          You feel it in the way**

**          Oh, feel it in the way**

          I look at the clock once more, it's three minutes to midnight.  I smile as I think about the first time he came-

_                                         Flashback_

_          Finally the feast was over.  I was a Gryffindor!  The first in my family to not be in Slytherin!  I had never been into all that "pureblood" crap, even though it had been ingrained into my head from day one.  Maybe that's why they preferred Regulus; he was their perfect son.  I knew that a verbal and probably a physical beating were in store for me the next time I went home, but for now I was elated.  And best of all, I had friends, or the beginnings of some.  We had met on the train, and surprisingly had been sorted into the same house._

_          When we got in the dorm, we quickly located our beds.  Mine was between Remus and James.  We all got ready for bed quickly, for all the rich food at the feast had made us very sleepy.  I went to take off my shirt and caught myself just in time.  My brother Regulus had beaten me right before my coming to Hogwarts.  I was ashamed that he had this power over me; two years younger and still he could beat me.  The fact that he had a wand and I didn't had something to do with it.  It's hard to fight back when you're in a full body bind.  My parents never beat me, they had other ways.  Besides, if they beat me where would Regulus get all his entertainment?   I went behind my bed curtains to change; I noticed that Remus did too._

_          Even though I was exhausted by the day's events, sleep would not come.  I tossed and turned, but sleep evaded me, as it did every night.  Around __midnight__, the figure in the bed next to mine shot bolt upright._

_          "Remus," I whispered.  Was he awake, or was he sleep walking?  I got my answer quickly._

_          "Sirius," he answered, "is that you?   Why are you awake?  I didn't wake you did I?"  He seemed terrified at the prospect.  At that moment my heart went out to him.  He seemed so scared and lonely and in need of a friend.   _

_          "No," I answered quietly, "I was awake, couldn't sleep."  I hesitated a moment before asking, "Why don't you come over here and talk seeing as we're both awake."  I hear the rustle of blankets and a few seconds later I feel a weight by my feet.  _

_          "What do you want to talk about," he whispers as I sit up and look at him._

_          I think for a moment before saying tentatively, "Why did you wake up?"  I feel him tense at my feet instead of answering my question he asks one of his own._

_          "Why are you still awake?  Everyone should have been tired after today."  I decide to tell him, after all what is friendship without trust?  Also if I answer his question maybe he'll answer mine._

_          "Well," I start, "I'll tell you why I'm awake Remus.  I have insomnia.  I have ever since I was a small child.  You see, every night I lay in my bed waiting for my mother to go to bed, which is most of the time pretty late.  Why? Because she isn't the nicest person in the world and I don't want to be asleep when she is awake.  After she goes to bed, our house elf Krare normally comes in and strokes my head until I'm asleep.  Seeing as she is not here, I am still awake."  I'm glad that the dark hides my reddening cheeks.  I didn't mean to tell him that much, it just kind of slipped.  I find that it's easy to do that in the dead of night.  "So why are you awake?" I ask to fill in the silence._

_          "I always wake up at __midnight__," he says as if it's the most obvious thing in the world.  I give him a look that says 'I've just told you my secret now you tell me yours'.  Even though the only light comes from the moon, I know that he sees me._

_          He chooses his words carefully as he says, "well, at home my Dad always comes home at __midnight__.  He isn't always in the best of moods when he gets there, so over the years I've started to wake up at _midnight___.  After he went to bed I usually pet my dog Snuffles to help me fall asleep."  I had to contain my laughter at the name of the dog, but the rest of the story explained a lot.  His Dad sounded a lot like my Mum._

_          "Looks like we have a lot in common," I commented.  "Neither of us has very nice parents and we both can't sleep."_

_          Through the dark I saw him smile a bit.  "Yeah," he said "I guess that we do.  Oh, and Sirius, my Mum named the dog."  That wasn't the first time that I felt like he was reading my mind.  _

_          I had an idea then, a wild idea, and an idea that I've never regretted having.  "Remus," started, "what if I played the role of your dog and you played the role of my house elf?  That way maybe we'd both get some sleep at night and not in classes."_

_          He smiled again and agreed.  I lay back down and he scooted forward.  Soon I found myself drifting into an untroubled sleep._

_                                ~*End flashback*~  _

**          Somethin' 'bout how you stay on my mind**

**          There's somethin' 'bout the way that**

**          I whisper your name when I'm asleep**

**          Maybe it's the look you get in your eyes**

**          Oh, baby it's the way that it makes me feel to see you smile**

**          And the reasons they may change**

**          But what I'm feelin' stays the same**

**          In the way that you move me **

**          And the way that you tease me**

**          The way that I want you tonight (tonight)**

**          It's in the way that you know me**

**          And when I can't find the right words to say**

**          You feel it in the way**

**          Oh feel it in the way**

We've been friends ever since that first night.  He comes every night now, except on full moons.  I can never sleep then anyway because I'm busy worrying about him.  Even magic cannot heal all of his wounds.  I've seen his scars and they're not pretty.  I'm afraid that one night he'll damage himself beyond repair and we'll lose him.  I can't bear the thought of losing him.

          I hear the rustle of blankets as he sits up in the next bed.  Midnight, right in time as usual Moony.  

          ****

**          I can't put my fingers on just what it is that makes me**

**          Love you, you, baby**

**          So don't ask me to describe**

**          I get all choked up inside**

**          Just thinkin' 'bout the way**

"Sirius," he whispers so as not to wake the others or me if I'm asleep.  I'm not, I never am.  "Are you awake Siri?"

          "Yeah Moony," I call back, "I'm awake, come on over."  I feel my heart lurch as I feel his body come down next to mine seconds later.  Why did I have to fall for one of my best friends?

          I smile as his hand descends onto my forehead.  I love this ritual.  It's our secret and I like it that way.  Not even James knows.  I like the way that Moony and I have something like this to share.

          **It's in the way that you move me**

**          And the way that you tease me**

**          The way that I want you tonight**

**          Oh, It's in the way that**

**          You hold me**

**          And the way that**

**          You know me**

**          When I can't find the right words to say**

**          It's in the way that you move me**

**          And the way that you tease me**

**          The way-ay-ay-ay-ay (feel it in the way)**

His hands feel so good on my flesh, so right.  I've always loved the touch of them; warm and soft and soothing.  They start on my forehead then work upward to tangle in my hair before lifting up and going back to their starting point.

          His hands are getting sluggish now.  He is falling asleep and so am I.  I know that he will leave soon.  

          "Night Sirius," he says drowsily as I feel his weight leave my bed.

          "Night Remus," I answer in a tone that matches his.  I smile and turn over, letting sleep claim me at last.

          **There's somethin' 'bout the way you look tonight**

**          There's nothin' more to say than I feel it in the way**

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	2. Light

A HUGE thank you to all who reviewed!  It means so much!     

All warnings and disclaimers can be found on the first chapter.

Remus' POV

          I awake early; I always do.  As usual, I get up and make my way to the window.  I laugh softly to myself; I'm such a creature of habit.  This is my morning ritual just like my nightly one.  On my way to the window, I stop at Sirius' bed.  He never closes his curtains, so I can see him clearly in the faint light.  He's beautiful.

          I think that I love him.  Yes, he's a guy and one of my best friends, but that doesn't bother me anymore.  He mumbles something in his sleep as I stand over my crush of three years.  I have to stifle my laughter as I think of the irony of it all; a gay werewolf.  I wonder if there are any others living in this minority within a minority.  I doubt it.

          That's the reason that I can never tell Sirius how I feel.  He has accepted the werewolf part of me without question.  In fact he has done more than that.  He, along with James and Peter, has become an animagi for me to help with the pain.  But a gay werewolf?  I fear that even my accepting friends might have trouble swallowing that one.  Homosexuality is not widely accepted here or anywhere else for that matter.  Also the fear of rejection is very strong; I don't want to loose the only friends that I've ever had.

          I sigh and make the rest of the journey to the window.  Sunrise.  It's my favorite part of the day.  There's a deep serenity in that I can't seem to find anywhere else.  It also brings light.  I like the light.  It's revealing and safe.  It also banishes the dark.  I haven't really liked the dark since I was bitten.  Dark means night and night means moon and the moon… the moon is the bane of my existence.  There are some things about dark that aren't that bad, like when I go to Sirius.  

          So every morning I watch the sunrise and greet the light.  I sit in the plush scarlet window seat leaning into its comfort.  I watch as the first light steals across the horizon.  It's faint at first but it grows.  Slowly the lighter blue moves upward so that an organish tint filters into its place.  I sigh appreciatively at the beauty before me.  

          It's getting lighter by the minute.  Pinks and yellows join the orange.  The top of the sky is still the dark blue of night and the crescent moon is still visible, but the stars have all but disappeared.  The light slowly grows greater.  There are clouds on the horizon, but I can tell that it will be a nice day.  I guess that I've seen so many sunrises that I can just predict stuff like that.  Yet no matter how many I watch, I don't think that I will cease to be amazed by their beauty.  

          When I sit here in the morning it's easy to forget my problems and worries and even my crush.  Sadly life doesn't like this peace that I've found for myself and decides that I've had quite enough.  I feel a hand on my shoulder and jump in fright.  I turn quickly, my wand out just in case.  I have every right to be suspicious seeing as I normally have to pull my dorm mates out of bed and I mean literally.  

          "Careful with that thing Moony you could put an eye out," teases Sirius.  I'm ready to be mad at him for one sneaking up on me and two for the comment but I can't.  I've never been able to be mad at him for very long.  Even when he told Snape where to find me on the full moon, now referred to as the Shrieking Shack incident, I could only hold a grudge for two weeks…

                                              ~*_Flashback*~_

_          "Moony?" he asked.  It was the first time that he had dared approach me since I had yelled in his face that I never wanted to speak to him again.  That was two weeks ago.  I was lying of course, but the anger got the best of me and I lost it.  It just hurt so much this breach of trust from my friend and crush.  _

_          "Moony? Remus?"  He asked again a bit more desperately this time.  We were in our dorm on our respective beds.  This was my first time alone with him since the incident.  Normally James and Peter would be with me, but they both had something to do.  It was after I had set up my things that I realized he was also in the room.  It seemed silly to pack up and move, so I stayed where I was and decided to just ignore him.  _

_          "Please Remus…please just let me talk to you," he was begging now, down on his knees in front of me.  I knew in the instant that I looked up and into his eyes that it was a mistake.  I had never been able to resist his eyes or him for that matter.  I was shocked that I had held up this long._

_          "What do you want Sirius?" I asked in the iciest tone that I could manage.  It wasn't very icy but I tried.  _

_          He gave me a relieved and grateful smile before saying, "I just want to apologize for what I did."  He looked up at me for permission to go on.  I nodded so he continued.  "Words cannot express how sorry I am for what I did to you.  He just…just got on my last nerve with all his questioning about you.  I lost it and told him where to find you.  I wasn't thinking straight.  But in these last two weeks I've had a lot of time to think and I've come to this conclusion: I don't ever want to loose you as a friend.  So even though what I've done is probably unforgivable could you find it in your heart to forgive me?"_

_          There were tears in his eyes when he finished though I could tell that he was trying desperately not to let them fall.  It was a losing battle.  That was the last blow my heart could take._

_          "Yes Sirius," I whispered after a long silence, "I forgive you."  _

_          The smile on his face at that moment was enough to make me fall in love with him all over again.  I only saw it for a second before he pulled me into a tight hug.  We sobbed into each others shoulders for a long time, letting out all the pain and stress of the last two weeks. _

_          When we finally drew apart I said, "There's one condition to your forgiveness Padfoot."  He looked at me worriedly until I said, "Promise me that you'll never do it again."_

_          He smiled again and said, "Of course Moony."_

_          Later that day we told James and Peter about our make up and they also forgave him.  That night I went to him in the night for the first time in two weeks.  That was when I fully forgave him.  _

_                                      ~*End Flashback*~  _

          "Remus?"

          I am snapped out of my reverie by Sirius' voice.  "Yeah?"  I reply.  Not a very intelligent answer but at this hour what do you expect.  

          "Aren't you cold?" he asks.  I shake my head no and indicate the blanket that I have wrapped tightly around my body. 

          He smiles and says "Well move over Moony 'cause I'm freezing!"  I comply and seconds later I'm sitting under my heavy scarlet blanket with none other than Sirius Black.  

          I relish every touch that I receive from him.  At night when I go to him is somehow different from whenever he touches me during the waking hours.  It is somehow more intimate; less of a ritual.

          The sun is fully up now.  As much as I don't want this moment to end I know that it soon will.  In an effort to prolong the moment I ask, "Why are you up Padfoot?"

          "I couldn't sleep.  I should ask you the same question." 

          "I'm always up this early," I reply.  "Almost six years and you don't know that Padfoot?"

          "Why?" comes his simple response, "rather ungodly hour if you ask me."

          "I like to watch the sunrise," I say, "and no one asked you for the record.  A few minutes later I say "We should wake the others now.  James isn't happy unless he gets at least half an hour in the shower and Peter likes to be at breakfast as soon as possible."  

          "You know best mother," he teases and then winks.

          "I resemble that," I say.  Then, "I mean… I resent that."  Why do I always have to get that phrase wrong?  He laughs softly; I love his laugh.

          "Yes you do resemble that, now come on we have some people to awake."  I catch a rather maniacal glint in his eye right before he throws the blanket off and slides off the window seat.  I pity James and Peter because I know that their awakening this morning will not be pleasant. 

          He grabs my hand and hauls me up.  All too soon the contact is broken and my hand is left feeling empty and cold.  I smile slightly to myself as I hear the sounds of spluttering and then death threats.  It seems that James has had a bit of a wake up shower.  It's going to be an interesting day.  

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	3. Flirting

All warnings and disclaimers can be found on the first chapter.  Again thanks to all the reviews.  They really inspire me to write!

Remus' POV

          Not surprisingly, James and Sirius are not speaking to each other.  Actually, James is pretending that Sirius does not exist while Sirius tries to get James to acknowledge his presence.  I'm not worried though.  Things like this happen roughly once a week.  It'll be sorted out by the time we have to go to Charms.  

          I love Charms.  It's my favorite class besides Defense Against the Dark Arts.  It's also my best.  Sirius once said that my worst nightmare was getting a question wrong in Charms.  I told him to stuff it, but I privately thought that there was a bit of truth in the statement; I hate being wrong, especially when I'm particularly good at what I'm wrong in.  

          As predicted, breakfast was accompanied with apologies; or as good of a one that you'll get from a Marauder.  The only real apology that I can think of was after the Shrieking Incident.  Anyway, some Slytherins came into the room, chaos ensued and in the midst of it all their friendship was renewed.  In other words, it was a typical morning.  I don't think that they ever really fight, just disagree or make the other angry.  I like that about them.

          Miraculously no one got detention.  I think that it was the fact that so many people had become involved that none of the teachers could pin it on anyone, so we all got away with a warning.  Sirius thinks that it's because he winked at one of the female teachers.  Sometimes I think that his ego is just a little too big, although I will admit that he is incredibly handsome.    

          We made it to Charms without further insult or injury: another miracle.  James and Sirius talked about Quidditch or something.  I wasn't really listening.  We sit in our normal order behind our normal table.  Peter, James, me, and finally Sirius.  This is how we sit every lesson.  The reason for my being between James and Sirius is simple: if someone does not sit between them they will talk the entire lesson.  We made this arrangement years ago with Professor Flitwick.  He agreed that we could sit at the same table on one condition: James and Sirius could not sit next to each other.  So we sat like this and have ever since.

          We set our bags down and get out parchment and quills for notes.  Well at least I do.  Finally they do too although the amount of persuasion that it takes is rather staggering.  The lesson begins with a laugh as the Professor topples off his pile of books.  

          About halfway through the lesson something quite unexpected happens.  I feel a foot on my leg.  It rubs up my pant leg and then slowly back down.  Up and down: a tantalizing sensation.  

          It can only be one person: Sirius.  I'm confused and yet happy.  Why is he doing this to me?  Has he found out my secret?  Is he teasing me?  Why is he doing this to me?  I want answers.  

          "Mr. Lupin," a stern voice interrupts my thoughts.  I look around, startled out of my thoughts.  "Now that you are with us Mr. Lupin, would you mind answering my question?"  

          Sirius smirks a bit as I stutter out my reply, "I…I don't know sir."  I say this quietly, my face turning bright red.  The professor looks at me strangely then moves on with his lesson, calling on someone who does know the answer.  I feel a hand on my shoulder and Sirius whispers in my ear, "There's a first time for everything Moony."  Then as suddenly as the hand came it went.  

          As much as I enjoyed his touch and closeness, I still feel a bit angry at him.  So, was it to distract me then?  Had it been a prank?  A small part of my brain says that it wasn't, but majority wins.  Then it comes to me, the perfect plan.  'Two can play this game my dear Padfoot,' I think and I allow a small smile to play on my lips. 

          Sirius' POV

          I'm scared.  Ever since Charms when I succumbed to my impulses and let my foot slide up Remus' leg I've been scared.  The look on his face was one that I have seen before.  It was the look he gets when he gets an idea for a prank, or revenge.  In this case I fear that it may be both and even worse that they'll be directed at me.

          I know that I shouldn't have done it, but the urge was just too much to resist.  He was just sitting there looking so beautiful that I had to do it.  I was also curious as to what his reaction would be.  To be honest I found the results rather funny.  It appears that Remus did not.  

          Transfiguration went by without a problem.  Remus wasn't not speaking to me, but whenever he did his answers seemed a bit short and almost cold.  It is impossible for Remus to be cold though, he's just too nice of a person.

          It's lunchtime now, (chicken stew) I'm really getting nervous.  What is Remus planning?  I have been a part of his schemes before (normally one's that James and I guilt him into coming up with) and would never want to be on the receiving end.  It's almost time for Potions now.

          I have mixed feelings about Potions.  It's the one class that I really try in, mostly because I don't really have to or don't care about the other ones.  It's also Snape's best class.  I therefore have to do as good as or better than him.  Thankfully we only have single Potions today, double would be more than I could stand right now.  Just because I try in the class doesn't mean that I like it.  

          We walk down to the dungeons talking about mundane things.  I can feel the air temperature slowly dropping as we descend into the depths of the castle.  I hate the cold, but it appears that our Potions Master does not agree.  I sigh as I slip into my seat.  Remus sits next to me.  It is the same arrangement in this class as in Charms, James and I are forbidden to sit with each other so I sit with Remus; not that I mind.  James and Peter slip into the seats ahead of us.  

          "Just notes today class," says the professor.  I sigh inwardly with relief, exploding caldrons are out then.  There is a shuffle of papers as the class gets out their quills and parchment.  Maybe the revenge that I'm expecting won't happen after all.

          Half way through the lesson I am proven terribly wrong.  I feel a hand on my knee.  It inches forward then moves back down.  It starts to move upward again, a few inches higher this time, before it inches back down.  Up and down the hand travels, higher each time.  

          It is almost all the way up my leg when I hear, "Mr. Black!"  I jump rather high and the hand moves away.  "Speak when spoken to.  Five points from Gryffindor for your inability to pay attention!"  Then, "Mr. Snape, perhaps you could answer my question?"  He of course gives the answer to the question that I had not heard.  The bastard.

          It was so simple that I didn't even think of it before; fight me with my own methods.  Why did I have to start this?  Not that I didn't enjoy it immensely, but I hate having him do things like that without really having him at all.  It hurts so much.  

          The hand descends into my lap yet again but it only stays for a moment.  I chance a look down and see a slip of parchment there.  As inconspicuously as I can I open the note and read it…

          _Padfoot,_

_                  A Marauder always gets revenge.                                                                                              I believe that you came up with that rule Padfoot.                                                                                                                                                                                                           -Moony  _

          I must end this.  Class is over and I turn to him. "Truce Moony?" I say with my hand outstretched.

          "Of course Padfoot," he says taking my hand in his and shaking it.  Oh how I wish it would come back when it leaves.

          "You two had a fight?" questions Peter.

          "Oh sorts," answers Remus calmly yet I see a faint blush tinting his cheeks.  We all head out of the dark, dank, cold dungeons to the nicer areas of the school.

          "See you later," says James as he and Peter head towards the front door.  "Bye," Remus replies.  We head on up the stairs to Muggle Studies.  James and Peter take Care of Magical Creatures at this time.  I like this one class that I have alone with Remus.  I know why he takes it, so do the rest of us.  He wants to be able to survive in the Muggle world if he can't get a job in the wizarding one.  I hate whoever made it so that he has to think like this.  My sweet and loving Remus wouldn't hurt a fly, but once a month the beast takes over.  There's nothing that he can do about this so why do people hate him?

          These thoughts make me want to hold him, but my impulses have gotten me into enough trouble today.  Muggle Studies is rather boring today.  We're talking about something called 'electricity.'   Muggles come up with some pretty weird things!

          At dinner we meet up with James and Peter again.  It seems that they have both landed themselves in detention on Friday of next week for blowing something up.  I laugh at the story that Peter is enthusiastically telling.  I'm really more interested in watching Remus laugh; the highlights of his soft hair sparkling in the candle light.  

          After dinner it's really like any other night; homework, prank planning then bed.  And at midnight he comes and as I drift towards the shores of sleep I feel that everything is again okay between us.        

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	4. When James and Peter had Detention

A/N: This chapter will have a small portion in third person.  Again a HUGE thanks to those who reviewed, especially multiple chapters.  I love you all!

Remus' POV

          Today is Friday; the day of James and Peters detention.  I will be alone with Sirius.  I don't know if that is a blessing or a curse.  I love spending time with him, but I don't know how much longer I can keep this secret from him.  After last weeks episode I want to question him on it, but I feel that I shouldn't.  So I'll do some homework instead.  

          We get a lot of homework now.  With our N.E.W.T.s next year the teachers are really coming down hard.  I don't really mind.  Doing homework gives me an opportunity to forget for a bit about Sirius and whatever else might be bothering me at the time.  With all my energy focused on the task at hand there is no room for idle thoughts to creep into my head.

          This serenity is soon broken.  Sirius comes bounding into the room and all peace is lost.  "Moony," he says, "I'm bored.  James and Peter are gone.  Will you come play chess with me?"  With a face like that how could I resist?  Not that I'll let him know that.  I sigh and make a big show of putting away my things.

          "I'm coming Padfoot," I say with just a hint of exasperation, "get the board and I'll meet you down in the common room in five minutes."  He flashes me his trademark smile and dashes out of the room.  Well another night for homework is gone.  When Sirius wants to play chess he doesn't mean a game or two he means at least six or seven; more of a tournament.  Oh well at least the view will be good.  

          I make my way down the stairs.  He has claimed a table in front of the fire and is putting the pieces on the board.  He sits behind the white pieces.  He always has to be white.  The reason he says is because he has been cursed by "black" enough in his life.  I accept this without question; besides I've always been rather partial to the black pieces.  

          I win the first game, he the second.  We talk a bit but we mostly enjoy the warmth of the fire and of each others company.  Every so often our legs will brush under the table and a shiver will pass up my spine.  A silent battle rages in my head; tell him, don't tell him.  I am glad that my sense of reason is stronger than my heart.  

          The night wears on.  I win a game then he wins a game.  When it comes to chess we are just about equal opponents and we can get rather competitive.  Around us people slowly filter up the staircases to bed.  We are five games in and it is ten thirty, and James and Peter are still not back.  We play another and the common room has completely emptied.  We are alone.

          "Remus," Sirius starts, "do you have a crush on anybody?"  He asks with a slight sense of urgency.  I am caught up in my current move and mutter a noncommittal yes with out thinking.

          "Who," he asks.  A simple question really; one word, yet this question could mean our entire friendship.  I decide to try the easy way out, I won't lie but I won't tell him either.

          "I don't think that I want to tell you that right now Padfoot," I say as calmly as possible although my heart is racing, "check by the way."   

          "Tell me please," he is almost begging but not quite.  "Oh and check mate."  In my nervousness brought on by his sudden interest in my love life I had not even noticed what he had been doing on the board.  I shake my head in protest.  He sighs and heaves himself out of his chair.  "I guess that I'll just have to tickle it out of you then," he says in a very grave voice, yet I can see the corners of his mouth twitching.  

          I jump up too and say, "Well you'll have to catch me first."  I dart off with Sirius in hot pursuit.  We run around the common room a few times before it happens.  I run backwards, sticking my tongue out at him when I hit something hard and fall backwards onto a plush red couch.  In an instant he is on top of me.

          "I've got you right where I want you Moony, and I'm willing to stay here all night if I have to."  He gives me a triumphant little smirk and grabs my wrists so that I can't push him off.  "Now tell me," Sirius whispers in my ear.  He is so close that I can barely breath much less think up an imaginary crush. 

          My brain is screaming at me to keep quiet and to not ruin what we have but my traitorous tongue has other ideas.  Before my brain can stop it, it blurts out, "You Sirius.  I have a crush on you.  I'm gay and I think that I've fallen in love with my best friend!"  I realize seconds too late what has just come pouring out of my mouth.  My eyes widen in horror and water slightly.  A look crosses his face that is unreadable.  There is shock, yes, but what is the other?  Is it joy?  Or is it disgust?  I tense myself and wait for the blow that I am sure is going to come whether or not it will be physical, verbal or both is still left to be told.  He is raising his hand now and no matter how hard I try, I still cannot hold back the single tear that makes its way from my eye down my face.  Oh what have I done?  Shit.

          Sirius' POV backtracked a few minutes

          I really don't know why I asked him.  A simple question really, but for me his answer means so much.  I don't really know why I wanted to know, the question just took hold of my brain and made me ask him.  And now I have to know.  

          I now have him pinned to a couch.  It feels so right to have him beneath me.  He is looking at me with absolute horror and now I'm really curious; why doesn't he want me to know?  I lean down and whisper in his ear.  He shudders and I have to resist the urge to kiss him.  Then he's talking.  He says, "You Sirius.  I have a crush on you.  I'm gay and I think that I've fallen in love with my best friend!"   

          Well I didn't expect that.  Has he found out my secret?  Is he mocking me?  I look down at his face to see that his eyes have gone very wide and that there is a trace of moisture in them.  That's when I know that he is telling the truth.  I reach out my hand to cup his cheek and wipe away the tear that has slipped out of his control.  

          He flinches visibly as my hand descends.  I then realize what this confession has cost him.  He has put everything on the line and is now terrified of the prospects.  I silently curse society for making him think this way.  I cradle his cheek and wipe away the lone tear.  "Oh Remus," I breath, "I love you too."  I then close the gap between us.  

          Third Person POV

          Their lips met.  It was clumsy at first, but they soon fell into it. It grew deeper and Sirius let Remus' hands go in favor of burying them in his hair.  Remus' in turn went around Sirius to rest on his back.  The kiss grew deeper still; hot tongues joining in a wild dance in warm mouths.  Each has been kissed before, but never like this.  Finally after several moments of bliss on the part of both parties they break apart.  

          Sirius' POV

          I smile down at him and wonder where I went right to deserve this angel.  He smiles back and my heart almost bursts with happiness.  I roll off him into the back of the couch, so that we are lying side by side.  I drape one arm lazily around his waist and bring the other up to his head to drag through his honey colored tresses.  He brings his hands up to lay over my one and starts to trace my fingers.  He lets out a small sigh of contentment and my smile widens. 

          "So," he ventures after a few minutes of silence, "What does this make us?"  It is a legitimate question and I think for a few moments before answering.

          "Boyfriends…or maybe lovers…no… we're Remus Lupin and Sirius Black and we are in love.  Yes that's enough for me." I say.  Then as an afterthought I say, "Oh course if we tell anybody we should probably just say boyfriends."

          "Yes," Remus answers.  "But who are we going to tell?  I was thinking that this would be a rather low profile relationship seeing as the general consensus of the population is against our type of relationship."  He says this calmly, but I can hear the underlying currents of fear in his voice.  He has always tried not to draw too much attention to himself and I can't say that I blame him.  If I were a werewolf I'd probably try to keep a low profile too.  

          "No one if you don't want to," I say, "although I would like to tell James and Peter.  They're out best friends and I hate keeping secrets from them."  

          He nods and says, "Alright, but can we wait a little bit.  I'm still trying to get used to the idea myself."  "Of course," I murmur.  We settle back into the comfortable silence, just enjoying each others closeness and warmth.  

          A few moments later his voice again breaks the silence.  In a voice barely over a whisper he asks, "Sirius are you… are you a virgin?"  The question throws me for a moment until I realize why he asked it.  He's scared.  Does he think that he'll be bad compared to the "others" or is there something else?  I vaguely recall reading something about werewolves mating for life and I realize for a second time the meaning of his question.  

          I turn him around so that I can look him straight in the eye.  "Yes," I answer in a tone that matches his.  "And remember, I will _never_ make you do anything that you don't want to do."  I can see the tears starting again as he kisses me hard on the mouth.

          We're just starting to get into it when we hear the portrait swing open and James and Peters voices floating through it.  We spring apart like the other is on fire.  Remus flings himself into the nearest chair and picks up a book lying on a near by table.  I can see his red forehead behind the book.  I stay on the couch, lying down and staring at the ceiling, trying to look and act natural.  

          "Hey guys," greets Peter, "good evening?  Ours was horrible, the professor made us clean bedpans in the infirmary_ without magic!"  _

          "Sounds positively horrid Wormtail," says Remus calmly though he doesn't come out from behind his book.  "Ours was average."

          "Remus," says James, "why are you reading that book upside-down?"  

          "Oh," starts Remus with a bit a nervousness lacing through his voice, "well you see Prongs, I was umm practicing reading upside-down.  You never know when a skill like that will come in handy."  I have to try very hard not to laugh at this pathetic yet very Moony excuse.  Oh James if only you knew.

          James gives Remus a questioning look but pursues the subject no further.  "Well we better get to bed," says James, "We have a big day of pranking ahead of us."  Sometimes I think that that's all he thinks about.  Of course that is excluding Miss. Lily Evans his new girlfriend.  James has been trying to get her to go out with him for what seems like forever and finally, about a month ago, she finally conceded.  

          "Yeah we better," says Remus in his soft lilting voice, "I'm a bit tired."  And so we all tramp up the stairs, James and Peter in front and Remus and I in back.  While James and Peter are turned away from us I blow him a quick kiss and he blows one back.  I don't think that I've ever been this happy in my life.   

I couldn't keep their hands off of each other.  Review!      


	5. We've got to tell them!

A/N: I'm really sorry that this took so long.  My hard drive crashed and I was computer less for about a week.  So I would like to dedicate this chapter to the people at the computer store who were able to save all of my memory! ::claps::  And to my wonderful reviewers.  I love you all!  Also a note on this story: I finally know where it's going and it's going to be quite long.  Otherwise I would have tortured them for much longer.   I'm going to shut up now, enjoy!

 All warnings and… oh forget it.  I think that everyone gets it by now.

Remus' POV

          His warm, moist mouth is on mine.  His hands are threaded through my hair.  I think that I'm in heaven.

          It's been a week since Sirius and I got together and I'm still in shock.  He likes me, no, he loves me!  It's a wonderful feeling to be loved.  I haven't really had much love in my life.  My mother loves me, but I don't think that my father does.  My friends love me and I think that Madam Pomfrey might even love me, but that is a different kind of love.  This love that I have for Sirius and that I believe he has for me is different from any kind of love that I have ever known and I don't ever want to loose it.  

          "I love you Moony," he murmurs to me in between kisses.  I reply with a similar answer right before his mouth once again captures mine.  We have been sneaking off for moments like this ever since that wonderful night a week ago.  Right now we are in an empty classroom somewhere on the fourth floor.  We told James and Peter something about studying for a Muggle Studies test; thankfully they bought it.  I know that we won't be able to keep this secret for much longer, but for now I'll enjoy this wonderful mix of both worlds: Sirius' love and the others friendship.  I hope that I can keep this forever, but I'm not going to get my hopes up too high.  

          'Click.' The door clicks shut and Sirius and I jump apart.  "What was that?" I ask. 

          Sirius strides over to the door and looks out.  "There's no one here," he says as he strides back towards me, "must have been the wind."  We have one final snog before he says, "we should get back."  I nod my agreement and we exit the room.  

          We find James and Peter in the Great Hall and head off to our afternoon classes.  Herbology is rather boring.  We are in one of the rather tamer greenhouses today repotting some plants that will be used for a potions assignment later in the year.  It's not even a lesson really, but compared to some of the stuff that we've done in this class I'll take the quiet day.  

          James, Peter, and Sirius are talking about Quidditch but I'm not really listening.  I've never really been interested in the subject.  I enjoy watching it, but I don't really care to discuss it at great length. 

          Thankfully the class ends soon and we were all off to Defense Against the Dark Arts.  This, along with Charms, is my favorite class.  We settle into our seats, but are quickly out of them again when the Professor announces a practical lesson.  After a long class of blocking and shooting hexes we are set free to go to dinner.  

          We are walking towards the Great Hall when Sirius whispers in my ear, "Skip dinner with me love.  I need to talk to you."  I nod my consent and we make our excuses to James and Peter.  James gives us a questioning look before he is dragged off to dinner by a hungry Peter.  We head for the dorm.

          As soon as the door is closed Sirius attacks my mouth with his own.  "I thought you wanted to talk," I manage to gasp in between kisses.  His only response is a grunt which could mean either a yes or a no.  My legs hit the edge of a bed and we topple onto it.

          "I have to butter you up first don't I?" he asks, finally releasing my mouth.  Then, "I want to tell them Remus.  Besides you they're my best friends and I hate keeping secrets from them."  He looks at me with his deep blue eyes in puppy dog mode and I find myself consenting.  Damn his eyes, I can never resist them.  He smiles at me and then buries his head in my neck.

          Some time later he is still buried in my neck which is starting to get a bit sore.  "Sirius, love, what are you doing?" I ask him as I thread my fingers through his hair.  

          "I'm kissing your most beautiful neck," he says, "but it's nothing compared to your lips."  With that statement he kisses me again.  I hear the sounds of foot steps seconds before Sirius does also.  He quickly rolls off of me and we quickly gather homework.  By the time James and Peter enter the room we are seated and working.  I silently thank whoever gave James the ability to walk up stairs like an elephant.  

          "Good dinner?" Sirius asks nonchalantly.  

          "Oh yes," says Peter enthusiastically.  He then launches off into an explanation of everything that was served for dinner.  My stomach is starting to rumble a bit uncomfortably when James interrupts him.

          "Hey Remus; who's the girl mate?"  

          "Girl?" I answer.  What is he talking about?

          "Yeah, the girl that's been sucking on your neck," he answers while gesturing at the body part.  I run to the mirror and sure enough there's a hickey there.  As soon as were alone I'm going to kill Sirius, but at the moment I have a bigger task to face.  

          "Well…um…you see," I stutter.  This is going to be harder than I thought.  Thankfully Sirius intervenes.  

          "I gave it to him," he says this casually but I can hear the underlying fear in his voice.

          "You found a spell that gives hickeys?'" asks Peter in a bewildered voice.  I sigh with annoyance; sometimes he can be a bit slow.

          "N...no I gave it to him with my mouth," Sirius answers, "we want to tell you something.  Um, you see, Remus and I are gay and we're a…a couple."  He says this very fast and then quickly looks down.  Seconds later Peter is on the ground in a dead faint.

          I stare horrified at Peter for a few seconds before turning towards James.  I am expecting the worst, but am greatly surprised to see that he is smiling broadly.  "I thought that something was up with you two; although I definitely didn't expect this."

          "So, are you okay with it?" I ask hesitantly.

          "Oh course," he answers.  He sees our looks of shock and explains, "I have an uncle who's gay.  I was never taught that it's a bad thing, actually I was very surprised to find out that people didn't accept it."  He sees our half smiles and says quickly, "that was when I was five of course."  

          On an impulse I hug him and Sirius follows suit.  I then remember Peter.  He's starting to come out of it now and is looking at us warily.  "Are you okay with it Pete," I ask him nervously.

          Instead of answering me he says, "How long has this been going on?"  

          "A week," answers Sirius, "but I've had a crush on Moony here for about three years now."  I respond with a similar answer also.

          "Oh," he says, then, "I guess I'm okay with it.  I mean you've been like this for a while and you're still the same Moony and Padfoot so, yes, I'm okay with it."  He gives a faint half smile and I feel my heart ready to burst.  What did I do to deserve such wonderful friends?  I move to hug him but stop and shake his hand instead; it's a bit formal but he doesn't seem entirely comfortable with the situation even if he does accept it. 

          'Well I'm glad that the hickey worked," remarks Sirius half to himself.  

          "What!" I say. 

          "Well I needed someway to open the conversation," replies Sirius while winking at me. 

          "Well now that they know my dear Padfoot, what am I going to do about this?"  I point to my neck.  "People are going to ask questions that I don't really want to answer… ever!"  

          "I suggest you wear a turtleneck love," he says with a laugh.  

          Sirius' POV

          It's like a huge burden lifted off my shoulders now that they know.  It's not like I want anyone else to know, at least for a while, but keeping this from James and Peter, especially James was really hard for me to do.  

          Personally I think that the hickey idea was a pure stroke of genius; Remus on the other hand didn't.  I diverted the topic of conversation as quickly as possible by suggesting a kitchen raid.  Remus and I had missed dinner and it seemed like a good way not to get myself killed.

          To my surprise everyone wanted to go, so we all piled under the cloak; that is after Remus made a big show of putting on a scarf so that none of his inflamed neck was showing.  Peter transformed and was settled on James' shoulder, and then the rest of us got under.  It's tight and we have to walk slowly, but we manage.  It helps if I hold Remus close to me to create room; at least that's the excuse that I make.  James rolls his eyes and we set off. 

          The journey to and from the kitchens are uneventful.  We get enough food from the house elves to feed a small army and head back.  Back in the dorms we all settle down to do homework and to eat.  I love the way that Remus looks in the candle light; angelic and beautiful.  I watch as he frowns in concentration, then takes the quill from his mouth and writes something down.  As if he senses my stare he looks up, smiles, then gets back to work.  This reminds me of the rather nasty History of Magic essay in front of me that needs to be done.

          Two hours of homework and a prank planning session later we're ready to go to bed.  I'm exhausted from the day's events and change quickly for bed; this means pulling on some pajama pants.  I rarely sleep with a shirt because I like the feel of the sheets on my skin.  Tonight, however, I'm looking for a different feel. 

          Remus comes out of the bathroom in a tee-shirt and pajama pants.  When I think about it I don't think that I've ever seen him shirtless.  "Where do you think you're going?" I ask him as seductively as I can while sliding my arms around his waist from the back.  

          "Well I was going to bed," he answers as he twists his head around to look at me.

          "But my bed is so much more comfortable," I whisper in his ear.

          "Is that an invitation?" he murmurs back.  I nod and he smiles.  "I think that that's an invitation that I can accept." 

          "There's just one rule Moony," I say, "lose the shirt."  He stiffens slightly in my arms.  

          "I… that is…do you really want me to…" he stutters. 

          I give him puppy dog eyes and say, "well that is why I asked."  

He sighs and says, "Well I did warn you."  With this he pulls off his shirt.  The sight that greets me is not a pleasant one.  His flesh is marred by scars, old and new, a patchwork of self inflicted pain.  

"Oh Remus," I breath.  I kiss his temple then drop lower to his shoulder.  "What if I ::kiss:: kiss them ::kiss:: all better ::kiss::?" I ask.  He giggles softly and nods.  I work my way across his shoulders and have just started to work my way downward when James steps out of the bathroom.

          "Now just because we're okay…" he stops abruptly when he sees Remus.  "Oh Remus what happened?" 

          "Presents from the wolf," he says with a trace of bitterness.  Subconsciously I tighten my arms around him and he leans into the embrace.  James looks slightly horrified and he moves away to his bed with a quiet goodnight.

          I pull Remus over to my bed and we settle into it; his bare back nestled into my chest.  How can something that feels so safe and good be considered bad?  "'Night Sirius," he whispers as I pull the curtains.

          "'Night Remus," I murmur back, "I love you."

          And for the first time in as far back as I can remember we both slept peacefully through the entire night.   

Oh the fluffyness!  Review!


	6. Living Dreams

A/N: A new persons POV today.  Also a big thanks to reviewers, I love you all.  Enjoy!

Remus' POV

          I awake to light kisses on my back and shoulders.  I lay content for a moment before I say sleepily, "Siri, what are you doing?"  

          "Waking you up," he replies, "didn't want you to miss the sunrise."  I look at the clock and find that the sun will have started its ascent into the sky a few minutes ago.  How did I sleep so late?  But now I realize that I don't really care.

          I turn in his arms to face him and say, "You're my sunrise Sirius, and my sunset; you're the sun."  I catch a glimpse of his eyes for only a second before his mouth is on mine.  

          When we can both breath again he says, "and you're my moon; my Moony."  A few kisses later he says, "You know I woke up this early to see a sunrise.  Are we going to watch it or not?"  I laugh a bit and nod.  He slips out first taking one of the bigger blankets with him and slipping on his slippers.  He then holds out his arms and instructs me to stand on his feet so that mine won't get cold. 

          I laugh quietly so as not to wake the other occupants in the room and get onto his feet.  "Remus," he says a bit sternly, "you're as light as a feather!  You need to eat more!"  I'm touched by his concern and I turn to kiss him lightly.

          "It's just the way I'm built love,"  I say calmly, "I can't help being thin anymore than you can help having black hair."

          "I could dye my hair," he mumbles but he pursues the subject no further.  We shuffle awkwardly across the room to the window and I hop off his feet and into the window seat.  He settles in behind me and I lean against him.  Together we watch the sun rise slowly over the horizon, occasionally sharing a word or a kiss but mostly just enjoying each others presence and the close contact.  

          Finally the sun finishes its journey and I sigh.  We'll have to move soon.  I can already hear the sounds of waking from the others beds.  I smile at the wonder behind me one last time, press my lips gently to his, and get up.  It's going to be a long day, but with this beginning I think that it might be a good one.       

Snapes' POV

          I awake to the harsh sound of the alarm clock.  I hate that noise, it means that I must leave the warmth of my bed and face the brutality of another day.  

          My dorm mates are also rising.  They are not my friends, merely acquaintances and occasionally allies.  Slytherins rarely have friends; they have cronies and allies but not friends.  We are a cold and proud house only interested in self gain and little else.  We are prejudiced against all who are different: the mudbloods, the half-breeds, the homosexuals, Muggles, and anyone else who does not agree with us.  I have been brought up to hate and I follow my upbringing with a great loyalty.  

          This train of thought brings me to my number one object of hate: Potter and his posse.  From the first day of Hogwarts we have been sworn enemies.  Black might have been a great Slytherin, he has some of the qualities of one: pure blood and a high standing family.  But this Black is different from the rest of his family.  He is a Gryffindor, has a strong group of friends, and he is gay.  

          No one knows this but me, and probably a few others.  How do I know?  I walked in on him and Lupin snogging yesterday.  I then hid behind a statue so that when Black looked out of the door he saw no one.  It makes me sick just to think about it.  Lupin is another one of Potters gang and I can't stand him either.  I always knew that he was strange, but I had no idea he was a bloody queer.  Another thing that I know about Lupin that almost no one else does is that he's a werewolf.  I can't tell anyone about that because I am sworn to secrecy by the Headmaster, but this is a secret that no one knows I keep.

          Ever since last year I have been looking for a way to get revenge on them.  Lupin is going to be my target for he is the weakest and he is also the one that I hate the most.  It's not that he plays a major part in many of the pranks that the group plays on me, although I know he plays some part.  He is normally reading a book of some kind and he gets top grades in almost all of our classes.  He is also a werewolf and a homosexual.  I feel the need to hurt this bastard more than any of the others.  Hurting Lupin will also hurt Black for he seems to like Lupin: a lot.  

          The best part of this revenge is that they will not be able to get back at me for it.  I will tell Lupin that I know about his little secret and use it as blackmail.  

          I have been preparing a spell for the right occasion for a long time.  It is a spell called Living Dreams.  The spell has been passed down through generations of pure blood families.  I know from his brother that this spell was used on Black often as a child and not in a good way.  This will add insult to injury for Black.  The spell sends the receiver into a deep sleep that can only be lifted when the dream has finished running its course.  While asleep, the caster of the spell controls what happens.  Also any physical act that happens to the dreamer in the dream really happens to their body.  The only thing that cannot happen is death.

          A convenience that I have run across is that the full moon is in two days.  The spell that I have created (this involves a potion as well as spoken words) is set to run for three days.  He will have to transform under the spell.  Another thing that is good is that we have been partnered together for a Muggle Studies project.  It is the perfect excuse to see him alone.

          One might wonder why I take Muggle Studies as a class when I hate them so much.  The answer is simple: it is an easy class that I might need later in life.  I don't know if I'll do it yet but there is a Dark Lord rising.  Many of my fellow Slytherins have said that he likes his followers to have a bit of knowledge about Muggles so that we can maneuver through them without looking too conspicuous.  I don't know if I'll join yet, but it's good to have the experience just in case.  So I sit through the incredibly boring class and wait for the bell to ring.  

          I write a quick note to Lupin asking him to meet me on top of the Astronomy tower tonight at seven o'clock to discuss the project.  I have chosen this spot because we will not be disrupted there and I can complete the spell without someone stopping me.  I laugh softly to myself as the warm water of the shower runs over me.  Contrary to popular belief I do bathe.  Revenge will be so sweet.   

          My day passes in a blur of sweet thoughts of revenge.  I barely think as I reverse the hair dying spell that turns my locks neon pink at breakfast.  Potter or Black throws one my way at least once a week.  I barely even flinch or mumble about incompetent idiots when Pettigrew blows up his fifth cauldron this month.  I even smiled at a Ravenclaw first year when she bumped into me in the hallway.  My note delivered I go back to the common room to do homework and put the finishing touches on my spell.  Seven o'clock can't come soon enough.  

Remus' POV

          Snape has been acting weird all day.  He didn't even snap at James when he dyed his hair pink this morning.  He also gave me a note requesting my presence on the top of the Astronomy tower tonight at seven.  I thought that the Astronomy tower is a strange place to meet, but when I asked him he said that he didn't want to be seen with me.  

          It is approaching 6:50 and I stand up.  I don't really want to go, but I need good grades in all of my classes to make up for Potions so I must.

          "Let me come with you," Sirius pleads for the tenth time in ten minutes.  I would love for him to come, but I know that if he does we'll never get any work done.  Snape and Sirius will get into a fight and that will be the end of it.  I'm also a bit annoyed.  I'm not a child who needs protecting; I can take care of myself.

          "You can't Sirius," I say gently, "I can take care of myself."  He looks at me with pleading eyes.  "How about this," I say, "if I don't come back in an hour you can come and get me."  He sighs and finally concedes.  

I push open the portrait and clamber through the hole.  The trip to the tower is uneventful and Snape is already there when I get there.  "Snape," I say causally.

"Hello Lupin," he returns icily.  Then without warning he swings around and punches me in the face.  I fall to the ground and grab for my wand, but he kicks it out of my hand.  He puts his foot on my chest to hold me down and sprinkles something on me from a small vial.  

          "I've always hated you Lupin," he says with a small, harsh laugh, "I want you to pay for all the hell you and you're friends have put me through these last six years."  Then he says, "Vivus Coniectura."  The world goes black around me and the last thing I hear is laughter and someone saying "pleasant dreams." 

Sirius' POV

          It's been an hour and ten minutes since Remus left.  I'm pacing back and forth across the common room trying to decide whether or not to go after him.  Finally I can stand it no longer and say, "I'm going after him. See you all later."  With that I dash out of the common room.  

          I walk quickly through the hall and take the stairs two at a time.  When I reach the top of the tower I listen carefully to see if they're still talking and Remus just lost track of the time.  I hear nothing so I push the door open.  He is lying in the floor, face bloody, and eyes closed.  I run to him and try to wake him but it's no use.

          Suddenly an invisible hand punches his face and he recoils.  I swing my arms around wildly to try and catch the assaulter, but there is no one there.  My nose catches a familiar smell and I realize what this is.  My love is in the middle of a Living Dream.  The only thing to do now is take him to the hospital and wait it out.  I have experience with these and I hope that Madam Pomfrey does too.  

          I pick up his too light body as carefully as I can and carry him to the hospital wing.  Madam Pomfrey tells me to put him in a bed and tell her what happened.  I quickly recount the events of the night and I find the she knows little about them but has come across them before and can take care of him.  

          "Go to bed Mr. Black," she says softly.  "You can come and see if he's awake tomorrow."  I nod and make my way towards the door.  When she disappears into her office, I double back to say goodbye.  

          "Goodnight Remus," I whisper softly.  I brush his hair back from his face and kiss his forehead gently.  "I'll come back tomorrow."  I quickly exit the room and go back to the dorms.  I sleep horribly that night.      

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	7. Awake

A/N: It has been brought to my attention that I've been switching tenses.  I'm really sorry about that.  I'm the only one who reads this before I post, and I'm not great at picking out my own mistakes.  On the subject of Living Dreams, I made them up, so I guess that I own them.  The spell is very bad Latin.  Some of its properties were explained in the last chapter and the rest will be explained in this one.  All dreams will be in _italics_.  Thanks to reviewers, enjoy.

Remus' POV

          _I am standing on a barren plane.  There is nothing around me except for suffocating whiteness.  The light is so intense that it burns my eyes slightly, making them water.  Suddenly a dark shape appears on the horizon.  It advances slowly towards me, becoming clearer and bigger as it comes.  Soon the figure is level with me and I can see that it is none other than Severus Snape.  He punched me right before I came here, my fogged brain recalls.  _

_          "Hello Lupin," he says to me in a rather sinister voice, "and welcome to your nightmare.  You are inside a Living Dream, created by me, and you cannot escape until I release you.  Not even your boyfriend can save you now."  
  
_

_          What is he talking about?  What's a Living Dream, and what does he know about Sirius?  "What are you talking about Snape?" I ask.  "What's a Living Dream?"  _

_          He laughs cruelly before saying, "Seeing as you're a half-breed I wouldn't expect you to understand.  A Living Dream is a spell that has been passed down through generations of pure blood families.  While you are under the spell you are under my complete control.  All physical damage that happens to you here will happen to your unconscious body.  But you cannot die.  There is no release for you until I let you go."  I stare at him with wide eyes._

_          "How long?" I manage to choke out.  _

_          "Three days," comes the reply._

_          "But that means that I'll be like this for the full moon!" I gasp.  _

_          "Yes that's true," he says.  Then he laughs.  It is a cold laugh with no humor in it.  "I picked this day because of that little fact."  He really is evil.  "Oh, and Lupin, I wouldn't attempt revenge when you wake up unless you want the whole school to know about your and Black's relationship."_

_          "How…what…," I stammer.  How does he know about Sirius and me?  Maybe he's bluffing and he knows nothing._

_"I walked in on you two snogging the other day," he sneers, "so if you don't want everyone to know I suggest that you put a leash on Black."  That had to just be an expression.  He can't possibly know about Sirius being an animagi too!_

_          "But that's blackmail!" I exclaim._

_          "And I thought you were the bright one of the group Lupin," he says sarcastically.  This is too much for me to take.  I reach for my wand, ready to hex him into next week, but it isn't there.  Instead I hurl myself at him.  It doesn't work.  He stops me with a spell, and throws a punch in my direction.  Instantly I feel a stinging pain in my face where he hit me.  _

_          "Why," I manage to pant, "Why are you doing this to me?"_

_          "Why," he snarls, "I'll tell you why.  This is revenge. Revenge for everything you and your little group has ever done to me.  And because you're a werewolf, a queer werewolf who really doesn't deserve the hospitality that this school has given him.  Go back to your forest creature."  I can feel the tears threatening to spill from my eyes as these words, along with a series of punches and slaps, are thrown at me.  I won't cry; I mustn't.  _

_          Then he leaves.  As soon as his figure disappears over the horizon, the images start.  They are horrific, out of my worst nightmares.  In between, there are beatings.  They are painful, but not strong enough to do serious damage; just hurt me a little.  I know that he is doing this on purpose.  He doesn't want to hurt me bad enough to seriously hurt me, just cause me a bit a pain.  Why does he hate me so much?  Doesn't he realize that I didn't choose to be this way? _

_          The time for my transformation comes.  It is one of the most painful transformations in my memory.  But being in my wolf form doesn't stop the terrible visions that are being sent to me.  I kill my friends and some of my family.  Then I come upon Sirius.  I try to tell my wolf side that he is a friend, not food, but it pays no attention. Sirius begs me to spare him, for me to recognize him, but the wolf refuses listen.  I tear him to bits.  _

_          This has been going on for what seems like an eternity.  I beg for release, but he doesn't pay any attention.  When will this hellish torture end? _

Sirius' POV

          It has been three days since I found Remus on top of the Astronomy tower.  After I took him to the infirmary, I told the story to Peter and James.  We have started plotting revenge.  As soon as we are sure that Snape really attacked him we'll put our plans into action.  

          Yesterday was the full moon.  Since we didn't know what the effects of the spell would be on a werewolf, I had to help carry him down to the Shrieking Shack.  I know that it was a bad night for him because this morning when I went with Madam Pomfrey to get him he was very battered.  She cleaned him up as much as possible, and every hour she force feeds him a healing potion, so that when he wakes up he won't be on the brink of death.

          Now I'm sitting by his bedside.  I was kicked out earlier, but I snuck back under the Invisibility cloak.  I know that I won't be able to sleep tonight, so I might as well keep watch over him.  

          I lay my head down by his hand.  An hour later, just as I'm starting to feel sleepy, something brushes past my cheek.  I sit up abruptly to see that Remus is waking.  He opens his eyes slowly and brings his hand to his head.  He then attempts to sit up, but he is too weak, and he falls back down onto the pillows.  

          "S…Sirius," he whispers groggily, "is that you?"

          "Yes," I whisper back, "It's me.  How do you feel?"

          He pauses for a second before saying, "Remember those hangovers we had after my sixteenth birthday party?"  I nod and he says, "It's like that everywhere on my body."  "And I'm freezing," he adds as an afterthought.  

          "He put you in a Living Dream didn't he?" I ask quietly.  

          "I think that that's what he called it," is the reply.  Then, "what is a Living Dream Siri?"  I know that he likes to know the history of things so I figure that I might as well give it to him.  

          "Well," I start, "Living Dreams are a spell created a long time ago by a healer by the name of Matilda Sanders.  This was in the dark ages when war was always raging.  Her intention was to create something to keep soldiers alive until a healer could get there.  You cannot die while in a Living Dream, and since anything that physically happens to you while in the Dream happens to your body, they could get basic healing.  It saved a lot of lives.  But then the wars became less and less frequent and the spell was forgotten for a while.  But a few centuries it was found again and it has been used by the pure blood families; for rewards and for punishment."  I shudder slightly at the end of this speech, I have felt the effects of this spell more often then I would like to recall.

          He nods slightly and then shivers.  Of course, he'll be freezing, that's one of the aftereffects how could I have forgotten.  I mutter a quick heating spell and his shivering decreases.  

          "You know I'm still a bit cold," he says slyly and he lifts up the corner of the blankets.  That's all the invitation that I need.  I kick off my shoes and climb onto the narrow bed.  It's tight, but we manage.  

          "There's a healing potion on the bedside table," I say.  "It should help with the pain a bit."  I help him into sitting position and hold the cup up while he drinks.  I also give him the water that is next to it to get rid of the bitter aftertaste.  I ease him back down and gently encase him in my arms.  He sighs and snuggles closer.  I close my eyes and soon his breathing becomes regular.  Mine soon joins his as I slip into the dark of sleep.  

                   ~*~

          I awake to the very early morning sun streaming through the curtains that surround our bed.  It was a rough night.  I had to wake him many times because of nightmares.  Beside me Remus is also stirring.  "Good morning sunshine," I say in his ear.  He flips around slowly and smiles at me.

          "Good morning to you too," he answers softly.  I love his voice.  It's not too high and not too low.  Even the cruelest of insults are softened when he says them because of his gentle voice.  It's like music when he speaks; the music of the angels.  He's speaking again, "Thank you for being with me last night, I know that you probably didn't get very much sleep."

          "Do you think that sleep would keep me from being here when you need me?" I ask.  "My dear Moony, what do you take me for?"  He laughs his musical laugh and I cannot stand it anymore, I reach over and press my lips to his.  His mouth is warm and inviting and I'm quickly lost in it.

          A gasp and a crash bring us both quickly back to reality.  I pull away quickly and look up to see Madam Pomfrey, Professor McGonagall, and Professor Dumbledore standing over us.  Madam Pomfrey looks shocked, Professor McGonagall a mix between serious and amused, and Professor Dumbledore very amused.  Oh shit.

          Madam Pomfrey was carrying a tray with food and medicine on it when they came upon us and that is what dropped.  She quickly mutters a spell and the tray reassembles itself.  "Well it appears that Mr. Lupin is feeling better," says Professor Dumbledore cheerfully.  I wonder if anything has ever fazed this man.  

          "Well I assume that you're hungry," says Madam Pomfrey.  Her face is a bit pink, but other than that she seems to have gotten over the initial shock.  Remus nods and I help him sit up.  Then I start to feed him.  This earns me a small smile from Professor McGonagall and a grateful look from Remus.  I know that he hates feeling weak, so I just do it.  He would have been mortified if he had had to ask for help. 

          Suddenly Remus says, "You're not going to tell anyone about this are you?"  I can see the fear in his eyes and I feel something similar.  

          "Only if you want me to," says Dumbledore.  

          Remus breaths a sigh of relief and I mirror his actions.  "No, please don't," Remus says.  

          Remus yawns widely.  He must be tired after last night and after three days under a Living Dream for it is not true sleep.  

          "One more thing before I give you a Dreamless Sleep potion," says Dumbledore, "do you know who put you under this spell?" 

          "Yes," he says, "it was Snape."  I knew it.

          "I'll let you sleep now," says Dumbledore.  To me he says, "I suggest that you get to your dorms Mr. Black, classes will be starting soon."  I groan, but carefully get out of the bed.  Remus shivers so I pull off my robes and wrap them around him.

          "Good night love," I whisper as I lean in and kiss his forehead.  He smiles at me and returns the sentiment.  

          He is given the potion and just when he's on the brink of sleep he says, "Sirius, don't… don't."  But he never finishes his sentence.  He has fallen into a deep sleep.  I shrug and walk out of the hospital wing.  He can tell me when he wakes up.  Right now I have some revenge to carry out.

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	8. Revenge

A/N:  Thanks for the reviews, I love them all!  Enjoy  

Sirius' POV

          I walk slowly down the hall towards the common room.  I'm using every last ounce of my self control to not find Snape and pound him into pulp.  How could someone do this to Remus; my sweet, loving and caring Remus?  No, physical pain would be too easy.  I need something that will leave a mark; public humiliation is the direction that I'm headed in.  I'm hoping that Professor Dumbledore also deals a heavy blow to the bastard.   

          I enter the common room and set off up stairs to the dorms, one to shower and change and two to find James and Peter.  Surprisingly they are awake and waiting for me.

          "Is he awake yet?" asks James.  

          "Yes," I say quietly, "and he'll be alright."  They stare at me in anticipation so I say, "it was Snape."  This announcement sets off a flurry of 'I knew its' from both parties.  

          Lily suddenly rushes into the dorm.  "Is he awake?"  Is the first thing that comes out of her mouth.  Lily and James have been going out for two months now.  She hated him through most of our first five years, but lately James has deflated his head a bit and Miss. Evans has finally realized that he's not such a bad person.  About time if you ask me.  Lily is also a friend of Remus', they study together, and she's been quite worried about him.

          "Yes," I say again, "and it was Snape.  Any luck in finding that spell James?"

          "Yeah," he says a bit uneasily, "and I think that we should do it this morning at breakfast."  He hands me a book called _Curses and Counter curses (Bewitch your Friends and Befuddle Your Enemies with the Latest Revenges: Hair Loss, Jelly-Legs, Tongue- Tying and Much, Much more) by Vindictus Viridian.  _

I read the following passage, "_The puppetus hex is a simple hex that turns your worst enemies or even your best friends into your very own marionette!  Just say the word with a flick of your wand in the direction of the victim and watch them perform embarrassing acts.  The hex lasts for fifteen minutes.  Sorry to all dark wizards, this hex was created with an anti death feature, so forcing your subject to kill themselves or others will end the spell immediately."  _"It's perfect," I mutter.

          "I figure with some simple transformation and a sticking spell or two we'll have some pretty serious humiliation," says James.  We smile identical evil grins and Peter joins us with a smirk; even Lily smiles after reading the passage.  I know that Lily doesn't like it when we pull pranks on Snape, but this time even she feels that it's justified.  

          I shower and dress quickly.  Then I have a little talk with Lily.  "Lily," I ask hesitantly, "what's the most uncomfortable women's clothing?"  

          She looks at me funnily for a moment before saying, "well, high heals are pretty uncomfortable and bloody hard to walk in, although anything with lace that goes under the clothes is pretty bad too."

          "Thanks Lil," I say.  "Let's go to breakfast."  

                                                ~*~

          We walk quickly down to the great hall.  On the way I see that the great hour glass that holds house points is missing quite a few from the Slytherin area.  We sit down at the Gryffindor table and start to eat.  I can hardly contain my excitement; this will be the best revenge ever!  This will teach the slimy snake not to hurt my Remus.  

          He enters the Great Hall and walks to his table.  I grin once more and mutter a quiet spell.  Snape looks confusedly around for a moment to make sure that no one is looking before quickly glancing down the front of his robes.  I can just barely see his feet shifting uncomfortably under the table.  They are now clad in glittery red heals.  

          I give one final look at my comrades before quietly muttering, "Puppetus."  Suddenly Snape rises from his seat, a confused look in his face.  I direct the git to the top of the table.  Music starts somewhere and he throws his robe off.  

          I smile as I look at my handy-work.  His feet are clad in the red heals and his legs in fishnet stockings.  The rest of him is barely covered by a pink mini skirt and a tight top.  Sticking out of the sleeve of the shirt I can see the strap of a lacy black bra.  Then he starts to strip.

          Before he can get very far James says, "Padfoot stop, I'm going to be sick."  I oblige for the sight is starting to turn my stomach as well.  I force Snape to jump off the table and direct him towards the staff table.  He walks oddly in his shoes and many people are outright laughing by now.  

          When he finally does make it to the staff table I make him say, "Dearest Minerva.  Long have I pined for your love and not been noticed.  I love you my fair pussy cat, marry me!"  

          The professor in question looks livid.  Dumbledore, however, looks rather amused.  "Mr. Snape, I never knew, although I think it would have been better if you had saved this umm display for a more private time," says Dumbledore.  I can tell that he is trying not to laugh and this pleases me greatly.  Normally when he laughs at the stunt I don't get punished too heavily.

          The spell is wearing off now and Snape runs from the room as fast as he can, which isn't very fast for running in heals can prove to be deadly.  The Hall burst into laughter and I am very happy.  

          On the way out I stop at the staff table and ask, "Professor, how did you punish Snape?"

          Dumbledore's eyes are still twinkling with laughter when he says, "a months worth of detention and two hundred points from Slytherin."  I nod and thank him.  I feel that it should have been more, but it appears that I will not pay for my stunt, so I guess that I'll have to be content.  

          The whole rest of the day I have to stifle my laughter.  This is where the sticking charm came in handy.  He cannot remove the clothes for twenty four hours.  I think that today might have been perfect, and what better way to end a perfect day than to go see Remus?

          I find him awake when I enter the hospital wing, sitting up and eating supper.  I saunter over to him, the grin on my face a mile wide and say, "You'll never guess what I did today."

          "I'm afraid to ask," he says dryly.  

          "Well I'll tell you anyway," I smirk.  I then proceed to tell him about the wonderful revenge that I had carried out that day.  His face does not become happy as I expect it to.  Instead it turns as white as the sheet of the bed he's laying in.

          "No, please tell me you didn't," he whispers.  

          "Well I could, but I don't see the reason," I say.  Why isn't he overjoyed that I have gotten revenge on his behalf?

          "Sirius," he says very quietly, "Snape knows about us.  He threatened to tell the whole school about us if anyone tried to get revenge."  He grasps my hand and I can tell that he is fighting tears. He won't let them fall; he never does.  But at these words all of my previous happiness is gone and a deep feeling of dread fills my stomach.  Oh shit what have I done now?

Sorry it's short.  Review!   


	9. The Speech

Thanks to reviewers!!

Sirius' POV

          It's been three days since the prank and Remus is coming back to the dorms today.  Yesterday Snape started around the information of our relationship.  It has since spread through all the houses and a few hours ago it came to James who told me.  I'm not worried about our relationship; we love each other too much for it to be ruined by something like this, but I am worried about what people might do.  A big part of Snapes motivation was Remus' sexual preference.  Is that just the beginning of a string of hate crimes that will follow us through our entire lives together?

          I walk slowly towards the hospital wing.  I'm dreading what this could do to him.  Remus is the type of person who is very sensitive, yet hates to admit it.  He builds walls to fence in his emotions.  Only his closest friends have ever been allowed to pass through these walls, and even then there is another set of walls that even I have not been able to pass through.

          In all the time that I've know Remus I've never seen him cry.  Even after a particularly bad transformation the tears stay in his eyes; he refuses to let him fall.  I think that he does this to prove that he is not weak, although to who he is trying to prove this to I don't know.  

          I've reached the hospital wing now, and I push the door open slowly.  He is sitting on the edge of his bed, dressed in his robes.  He ate breakfast here and I have already eaten in the Great Hall.  He smiles faintly as I enter the room and my heart warms.  

          "Ready?" I ask quietly.  

          "For anything," he answers in a tone that matches my own.  He puts on a brave front, but I can see through it.  He's terrified to walk out of these doors.  Remus is the kind of person who likes to keep in the background.  He doesn't like to be noticed; probably because of the fact the he's a werewolf.  Silently I curse society for creating this fear in him.

          We walk slowly through the doors and into the bustling hallways of the school.  Together we walk towards our first class, meeting James and Peter along the way.  Whispers follow us, but we ignore them.  

          I don't really pay much attention in class.  It's hard to concentrate on goblin rebellions when your loves face is constantly fixed in an expression of sadness and fear. 

          On the way to lunch a foot sticks out and Remus trips over it.  I automatically reach out and catch him. "Are you alright?" ask in a voice barely above a whisper.  He nods and smiles faintly.  I carefully help him to his feet; immediately the whispering and pointing starts.    

          I never thought that words could hurt so much.  "Queer, fag, gay, fruit…," these words follow us all the way to the Great Hall.  The words don't bother me so much as the fact that I haven't heard the word 'love' once.  

          Our group is silent through all of lunch and most of the afternoon classes.  Finally the day is over and we are free to go to dinner.  On the way we come across a group of seventh year Slytherins.  

          "Well look what we have here boys, if it isn't Hogwarts resident queers," sneers the one who appears to be the leader as they move to block our path.  

          "Let us through," I growl softly.  The day has been a strain and I'm on my last nerve.

One of the bastards suddenly mutters a spell and a flashing sign reading 'fag' appears over Remus' head.  "Now everyone will know what you are," he says.  Remus turns slowly and heads off in the opposite direction.  I say a reversal spell and hex the idiots until they can't see straight and then tear after Remus.

          They yell after me but I just run; I'm beyond the point of caring.  I run as fast as I can through the crowded halls and I'm moving against the flow too, but as long as I find Remus I don't care how many people I run into.  I run up the staircase and through the last hallways to the Gryffindor dorms.     

          Finally I make it up the final staircase and burst into the dorms.  He's standing in the middle of the room with his back to me.  "Remus…Moony?" I say quietly.  He turns and faces me.  

          I hurry across the room and pull him into a tight embrace.  He returns it and slowly we sink to the floor together.  Then he starts to cry.  This is the boy who has been through pain unimaginable to most people and didn't once shed a tear, but through people's hate has finally broken down.  His walls that he has built so carefully over the course of his life have crumbled and finally fallen.  

          I pull him into my lap and let him cry into my shoulder.  A few tears of my own escape as I hold him.  I rub his back and say his name over and over again into his hair.

          We sit like this for a long time.  Eventually his sobs subside and turn into the occasional hiccup.  "Why do people hate us?" he whispers into my shoulder.  

          "I don't know love, I don't know," I reply.  It's a question that I would really like to have the answer to.  How can people be so cruel to someone so wonderful?  

          "Maybe it's better that people know," he says, "I mean at least now we don't have to fear everyone finding out."  He turns his tearstained face up towards mine and I nod in agreement.  I then proceed to kiss away all the stray tears that are still on his face.  This earns me a laugh and I smile for the first time today.  

          "So," I say after a few more minutes of comfortable silence, "how about a kitchen raid before everyone comes back from dinner?"  He agrees and we head out.  

          We stay out of everyone's way for the rest of the night, doing our homework in the dorms.  As we lay in bed, Remus safely sleeping in my arms, I resolve to do something.  I hate seeing him hurt.

Remus' POV

          I do believe that yesterday ranked as one of the worst days of my life.  I try to tell myself over and over again that they're just words, but my heart still aches.  I suppose that it comes from my life long desire to be accepted.  I know that it sounds silly, a gay werewolf wanting to be accepted by society, but that want is still there.  

          I know that Sirius is planning something, and that thought scares me slightly.  This morning he told me to think about what I might want to say to everybody who's been ridiculing us.  I can only hope that this will end well, because when Sirius gets an idea there's no stopping him. 

          It's lunch time now, and we are sitting at our usual place in the Great Hall.  The four of us ate breakfast in the kitchens this morning, but Sirius said that there was no way that we could hide forever so we might as well get it over with.  

          So far lunch has been fairly uneventful; a few funny stares and a whisper or two when we walked in, but other than that not much.  

          Suddenly Sirius stands up and climbs on top on the bench we're sitting on.  With him he pulls me up, an arm around my waist to steady me.  "Can I have your attention please," he shouts loudly.  He shouts this a couple more times before he has the level of quiet that he wants.

          "Over the last two days there have been some rumors going around that I, Sirius Black, and this fine gentleman here, Remus Lupin, are in a romantic relationship.  I would like to confirm these rumors and tell you that it is true."  There is an immediate flurry of talking when he delivers this information.  

          He waits a few moments for the general murmur to subside before continuing.  "Now what I would like to know, is why the vast majority of you have a problem with this.  Are you afraid of us?  Why is it that when you see a couple snogging, like James Potter and Lily Evans for example, everyone is fine with it but when even the hint of two blokes being more that just friends is brought up you're disgusted.  What's so wrong with it?  I love him and he loves me."  He looks to me for reassurance and I nod slightly.  

"Love is love, can't you see that?  There's nothing that we can do about this, it's not something that we can help.  I know that a lot of you have problem with this concept, but if you really have a problem with two people being in love, than I think that you have bigger problems than we do.  So please, in the future, keep your comments to yourselves, we don't want to hear them."  

He says this quickly, but every word is understandable.  He also talks with a passion that I've never heard in him before.  Then he's talking again, "is this what you're afraid of?" he asks before sweeping me into a passionate kiss.  There is a bit of a collective gasp from the crowd before we slowly pull away.  

          "Anything that you'd like to add love?" he asks softly.  

          I nod and turn to face my peers, "Whe…when," I stutter.  Sirius tightens his arm around me and I continue.  "When I think of the word love, I think of an indefinable emotion that's the most beautiful thing in the whole world.  How can you put a label on what the laws are for falling in love?  Please, let us love in peace."  

          I look around at the sea of faces and hope that this has made some impact.  Then I hear a single pair of hands clapping.  James rises in his seat and Peter quickly joins him.  Slowly others join in.  Not everyone is clapping, but most of Gryffindor is.  I'd say that both Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw are cut two to one, the two in our favor.  The Slytherin table is pretty much silent, but that's to be expected.  He hops down from the bench and offers me a hand which I take.  Outside the Great Hall he takes my hand as we head to our afternoon classes and glares defiantly at anyone who looks like they're going to comment on it.

          I admit that it's a relief to not have to worry about this secret anymore.  I really don't think that I have been anymore proud of anyone in my entire life than I am of Sirius today.  It takes a lot of courage to stand up like that and it just makes me love him even more.

                                                                   ~*~*~ 

          It's later in the day now and we're in the common room.  It's a Friday night and we've taken up our usual Friday night positions.  On the sofa across from me sit Lily and James.  Lily is sitting upright and James has his head in her lap.  They look perfectly content to just lie like that all night.

          On the sofa in the middle of Lily and James' and the one that I occupy sit Peter and his girlfriend; Jen.  Jen is just about as perfect a match for Peter as I could think of.  She has blond hair that is almost always in a braid and blue eyes that are even bluer than Peters.  The two of them started dating about two months ago, although how is still a bit of a mystery since both of them are rather shy.  The certainty of them getting married is about as great as Lily and James.  They are lying in a similar fashion to Lily and James.

          Sirius and I occupy the last sofa.  Tonight though instead of sitting at opposite ends of the sofa and only brushing toes occasionally, we are both at one end of the couch.  Sirius is leaning against the arm and I'm lying between his legs; using him as a backrest.  He has his arms slung lightly around my waist and I have one hand over them.  Occasionally he'll kiss my temple lightly.  This, I think to myself, is true contentment.  

          I'm reading a book and the other guys are talking about Quidditch.  That's the reason that I'm reading instead of listening.  I like to play every once in a while, but they have really talked the subject to death.  From the occasional bit that I pick up, Sirius and James are in disagreement over something.  The next time I tune in the conflict has been resolved by Peter.  The boy has an excellent memory for rules and stats, which is surprising because when it comes to school facts his memory is like a sieve.  The girls are talking about something, but I never get the gist of their conservation.  

          Every once in a while someone will come up to speak to us.  Most are to congratulate us, although a few aren't as pleasant.  One girl comes over and starts ranting.  I recognize her as one of Sirius' ex-girlfriends.  He responds calmly, but the girl walks away with an orange face and bright green hair.  No one else dares to criticize again.  In this moment I am truly safe and happy.   

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	10. Home

You reviewers are sooo wonderful!  Also a note, the POV will lapse into their animal forms so when they are in them the POV will be stated as their nicknames.  That is all, enjoy!

Remus' POV

          It's been three months since that memorable day in the Great Hall.  It hasn't been easy, but I've finally learned to deal with the taunts and occasional violence.  About two weeks after the speech I received my only death threat; something along the lines of 'take my spell off of Sirius or she'd kill me.'  When I handed the note to Sirius he very obviously burned it.  She must have got the point because I haven't received another one.  Another day Sirius came into the common room with a black eye and a split lip.  I think that James and Sirius got revenge although I had no part in it.

          Right now we are sitting under the willow tree on the grounds.  The final exams are finally over and we're enjoying our time off before we have to go home.  James has Lily's head on his shoulder and Peter has his head in Jens' lap.  Sirius and I sit side by side but we don't touch in a romantic way.  Although we are open about our relationship we've found it better to keep public affection to a minimum.  

          I don't want to go home.  It has never been my favorite place to begin with and roughly three months without Sirius is going to be torture.  To top it all off the sun sets in a few hours and tonight's a full moon.  I loved the moon as a small child and sometimes I wish that I could have that innocent love for the heavenly body back.  Instead I fear it; more than anything.

          "We should go eat," murmurs Sirius.  The others move to get up but I don't; I'm never very hungry before my transformations.  "Come on Remus," Sirius says as he takes my hands and hauls me to my feet.  Once I'm upright he doesn't let go of one of my hands.  

          We walk up to the castle slowly, my feet dragging.  In the hall I'm forced to eat by Lily and Sirius.  Lily and Jen both know about my condition.  They found out in a very similar fashion to the way James and Peter found out; seeing through my feeble excuses and watching the lunar calendar.  Although they try very hard I only eat a little; all of it meat.

          All too soon it's time.  Madam Pomfrey comes to the common room to get me and I say my goodbyes.  I hug Sirius tightly and he whispers, "see you in an hour, love you," in my ear.  I smile at him before giving him a quick kiss on the cheek.  He smiles at me before kissing my mouth.  A cleared throat later I'm on my way to the Shrieking Shack.

Padfoots' POV

          I bound up the stairs, tripping over my paws in my haste to get to my Moony.  He howls in pain and I know that he has already started his self mutilation.  I nudge the door to the bedroom open with my nose and bound into the room.  He sits in the middle of the room facing away from me.  My job right now is to get him downstairs to the rest.  Poor Prongs cannot do stairs with his hooves.  

          "Moony," I bark.  He looks up and then bounds over to me.  He sniffs at me for a second before pouncing on me to engage in a mock fight.  I let him win; there will be time for a real wrestle later, now I want to get going.  I finally manage to herd him down the stairs.  After he sniffs Prongs and Wormtail respectively we set out for Hogsmeade.  

          Every month we explore a different part of the forest, Hogsmeade, or the Hogwarts grounds.  Tonight we're going out to the mountains on the outskirts of Hogsmeade.  It is an exciting night.  We have a close run in with a small boy out for a late night stroll but Prongs and I are able to keep the werewolf in check.  

          In the mountains we find a cave.  It is small, but it could serve as an excellent place for hiding pranking supplies.  There's always a risk of Filch finding them in the castle so we're always looking for new places to set things up.

          All too soon the horizon begins to look a bit lighter.  We quickly head back to the Shack.  It would be very bad if Moony transformed back in the middle of Hogsmeade; someone might see him.  

          We arrive back at the Shack and Moony heads upstairs.  This is the way it works every month, Moony goes away and transforms back and we head back up to the castle.  Later we all go to the hospital wing and bring him lots of chocolate.  Today, however, I have different plans.  I follow him up the stairs just in time to see him disappear into the master bedroom.  

          I watch from the doorway as he changes.  His body contorts into strange positions; his bones rearranging themselves under his skin.  He screams in pain and I turn my head.  It's too painful to watch.  Finally the horrific change in front of me is over.  Remus lies on the floor, naked and in pain.  I very quietly pad into the room and drag over a blanket to cover him.  Then I lie down next to him.

          He grabs at my fur pulling me closer.  "Thank you Padfoot," he murmurs before falling into an uneasy sleep.

Sirius' POV

          After he fell asleep this morning I left for the castle.  Our last day together before summer break and Remus had to spend it in the hospital wing.  So of course we all sat with him and he got no rest.  He then begged Madam Pomfrey to let him go to the leaving feast.  It took some begging but she finally consented.  That is where we are now.

          "The winner of the house cup this year is Hufflepuff," announces Dumbledore.  Half the hall looks at him in shock when he makes this announcement, but it's true.  Much to the surprise of everyone, even themselves, the Hufflepuffs have won the house cup.  I clap loudly with everyone else before digging into the wonderful feast.  The house elves have really out done themselves this year I think as I bite into a rather juicy piece of chicken.

          All too soon it's over.  But this isn't the end of our end of the year celebration, it's far from it.  Every year the Gryffindor house has a big end of the year party in the common room after the feast.  As we approach the common room I can already hear the music blaring from someone's wireless.  

          The room is full of dancing people.  All of the tables, chairs, and couches have been pushed to the walls of the room.  Around the outside tables are piled high with food.  I look at Remus with a bit of concern, last night was the full moon, and he must be exhausted.  When I voice these thoughts to him, however, he brushes them away.  

          We dance a few songs before I insist that he take a breather.  He agrees reluctantly and goes to get us drinks.  I find an empty couch and sit.  Almost immediately a girl is next to me and is flirting madly.  All my efforts to get rid of her prove pointless; she just latches onto my arm.  Finally my saving angel comes; Remus has found me.  He drops himself into my lap and kisses me lightly on the lips.  The girl glares at him and goes.  As she walks away I can hear her mutter "fags" under her breath.

          "When will they get it?" Remus asks. 

          "I don't know love, I don't know," I reply.

          At one in the morning Professor McGonagall comes in and breaks up the party.  In a way I'm happy about this; Remus looks ready to drop where he stands.  

          We change for bed quickly and get under the covers.  Normally Remus sleeps with his back pressed into my chest, but tonight is different.  Instead he turns to face me; clinging to me.  I hug him tightly back.

          "It won't be so bad," I whisper, "we'll write to each other.  Maybe I can even visit."

          "I suppose," he murmurs into my bare chest, "although I don't think that my parents would let you visit."  An involuntary shudder passes through him when he speaks of his parents.  I don't mention this but I do pull him closer.  

          "I love you," I say looking down to see his eyes in the darkness.  

          "I love you too," he whispers back, "forever."  I kiss him and pull him as close to me as possible.  It's then that I drift off to sleep.

                                                            ~*~*~*~

          I awake to butterfly kisses on my face and chest.  "Sleep well?" I ask.  

          "No," he answers before returning to his kisses.  I can see from his face that this is true.  He has dark circles under his eyes and his face has a rather haggard look.  "Sunrise?" he asks.  I nod and we move from the warm bed to the window seat; never breaking contact.  

          All too soon we're in the horseless carriages on the way to the train.  The six of us take a compartment to ourselves and settle into it.  "Remus," I start, "come here and sleep.  You need to get some sleep.  After the moon and the party last night you need to get some sleep."  He reluctantly agrees and I lay his head in my lap.

          I gently stroke his honey colored hair.  He smiles sleepily up at me and soon is asleep.  The edge of his shirt has risen a few inches and I move my free hand to caress the skin that is exposed there; gently following the path of a pink scar.  I don't know why but the boy insists on wearing Earth tones all the time.  It's the seventies and he's gay yet the boy insists on wearing Earth tones.  I'll never fully understand him.  

          The witch with the food cart comes around with lunch.  "Should we wake him?" asks Lily.

          "I doubt that you even could," says Peter, "Remus could sleep through anything."  James and I laugh and after we purchase our food (plenty of chocolate for Remus when he wakes up) we spend the next half hour telling the girls stories of all the times Remus would not wake up.

          Around two he awakes.  "Morning sunshine," I say.  He just smiles and buries his head in my stomach.  The rest of the journey is spent playing Exploding Snap and talking.  James and I make elaborate plans for the summer, each one crazier than the next.  I'm staying with the Potters the whole summer.  I had a bit of an argument with my parents at the end of last summer and ran away.  Therefore I'm bunking with James at his place.

          Now were at the station.  I hold Remus' hand tightly in mine as we exit the train.  "I guess this is it," I say.

          "Yeah," he replies softly.  "I love you; I'll miss you so much."  Then he's in my arms and we're a tangle of arms, mouths, and tongues. 

          When we finally pull apart I say, "I love you too." 

          We all pass through the barrier and I realize that this really is it.  I watch as Remus hugs Peter, James, Lily, and Jen.  Now it's my turn.  "Love you, write to me," he murmurs against my neck.  Then, in the whirlwind of activity, he's gone.  As I follow James out of the station and I miss him already.

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	11. Never Again

          Thanks to reviewers, I love you guys so much!  The song in this chapter belongs to Nickelback and is called Never Again.  The lyrics are in _italics._  As always they all belong to J.K Rowling, except Jen, I'll take credit for her.  Enjoy!  

Remus' POV

          It's been nearly a month since I last saw Sirius and its been hell.  He writes to me almost daily but it's not the same as having him here.  I miss his voice and his lips and his laugh.  In every letter he asks how I am.  I tell him that I'm fine and make my answers as vague as I can.  I feel awful when I reply because I'm not giving him the absolute truth.  I don't want him to know what he does to me or what he does to her.  It's better that way.

_He's drunk again, it's time to fight_

_She must have done something wrong tonight_

_The living room becomes a boxing ring_

_It's time to run when you see him clenching his hands _

_She's just a woman…never again_

          The full moon was two nights ago and I'm exhausted.  Without Padfoot, Prongs, and Wormtail I beat myself up rather badly this month.  To make matters worse he came home drunk the next day.  

          By 'he' I mean my father.  Ever since I was bit on a camping trip with my mother he's been different.  At first my parents tried to find a cure but over the course of a few years they realized that it was a hopeless search.  Shortly after that my father lost his job at the Ministry and got one at a local tavern as a bartender. 

          Ever since that day things have been terrible.  Almost every night he comes home at midnight drunk and ready for a fight.  Both my mother and I get this abuse for he blames both of us for his problems.  When he's not drunk (which is a rare occurrence) he looks at me with a mixture of fear and loathing that I can't stand.  

_I hear her scream from down the hall_

_Amazing she can even talk at all_

_She cries to me…"go back to bed"_

_I'm terrified that she'll wind up dead in his hands_

_She's just a woman…never again_

_Been there before but not like this_

_Seen it before but not like this_

_Never before have I ever seen it this bad_

_She's just a woman…never again_

          It's bad tonight; worse than I've seen it in a while.  It seems like it's my mothers turn tonight.  I bring my hand up to my face to feel the fresh hand shaped bruise that I obtained last night.  While in school I cover these tokens from my friends with a concealing charm until they heal, but here that would just make it worse.

          Both my parents are wizards but of Muggle descent.  My father was a Hufflepuff, my mother a Ravenclaw.  My father has always said that if it wasn't for his heritage he would have been a Slytherin and I believe that with all my heart.  My mother was at the top of her class; my father barely passed.  

          I think that deep down my mother still loves him as I do.  Even if he is terrible he's still my father.  I think that this is one of the reasons why were still here with him.  If I try very hard I can still remember the time when we were a happy and loving family, that was before the bite and before the drinking started.  Those times are long gone now. 

_Just tell the nurse you slipped and fell_

_It starts to sting as it starts to swell_

_She looks at you…she wants the truth_

_It's right out there in the waiting room with those hands_

_Lookin' just as sweet as he can…never again_

_Seen it before but not like this_

_Been there before but not like this_

_Never before have I ever seen it this bad_

_She's just a woman…never again_

          I remember once in the beginning he took her to St. Mungo's.  I think that then he still could feel guilt for what he does to us.  He had beaten her that night but the wounds were inconspicuous enough to pass off for a bad fall.  I remember the look that the nurse gave me that night more than anything.  I was too afraid to say anything for he had warned me not to, but I think that she knew.  I wonder now if I had said something that day if we would be in this mess now.

          My father has always liked destructive things.  He was the kind of child who killed birds with a sling-shot.  Now as an adult he beats his wife and child.  He has not, however, lost his passion for killing animals.  Therefore it's not surprising that we have a loaded gun on our coffee table. 

_Father's a name you haven't earned yet_

_You're just a child with a temper_

_Haven't you heard "don't hit a lady"_

_Kickin' your ass would be a pleasure_

Sirius' POV

          "I'm worried about him," I say to James as we lay in our respective beds, "his letters are too vague.  There's got to be something wrong." 

          "If you ask me your being a bit overprotective," he says, "but if you're really worried I suppose that you can take my broom." 

          I smile and say, "Thanks James.  You're the best."  Then I'm off.

          I fly as fast as I can to Remus' house.  From the maps that I've looked at and the descriptions that Remus has given me I find the house after about only an hour and a half of flying.  I've missed him so much this last month that all I want to do is hold him.  I decide that if I want that I should just find his room and fly there instead of bothering with the front door and having to meet his parents.  Besides it's approaching one a.m.  

          I find the appropriate window and slide in onto the sill.  "Remus," I whisper into the poorly lit room.  

          "Sirius," I can hear him answer, "is…is that you?"

          "Yes," I reply.  Then I'm in the room and my werewolf is in my arms; his lips pressed to mine.  When we finally pull apart I say, "Let's get some more light in here Moony I want to see you."  I light some candles with my wand but he shrinks away from the light.

          "Moony?" I ask but he shrinks farther into the shadows.  "Remus come here," I say as sternly as I can.  Hesitantly he steps out of the shadows.  Instantly I can see why he shied away.  One side of his perfect face is marred by a massive hand shaped bruise.

          I'm instantly filled with anger.  Who would do something like this to my sweet Remus?  "Who did this to you?" I ask through clenched teeth.  

          "My father," he says; his whispered answer barely audible.  

          "How long has he been hurting you?" I ask.

          "Since I was seven," is the reply.  Suddenly a scream rents the tension thick air.  "Mum," he murmurs as he quickly leaves the room.  I follow and almost run into him at the end of the hall.

          We are stopped at the top of the stairs looking down at the horrific scene bellow.  I watch Remus' face contort in sorrow and anger as he watches.  I can tell that he wants to protect his mother but it would be useless.  This man is twice as big as the petit boy at least.  

          Then something snaps.  We watch as she grabs a gun (at least I think that's what it's called) and shoot her abuser in the head.  Blood immediately gushed out and they both collapse.

_He's drunk again, it's time to fight_

_Same old shit just on a different night_

_She grabs the gun, she's had enough_

_Tonight she'll find out how fuckin' tough is this man_

_Pulls the trigger fast as she can…never again_

_Seen it before but not like this _

_Been there before but not like this_

_Never before have I ever seen it this bad_

_She's just a woman…never again_

          I race down the stairs pulling a very shocked Remus with me.  When we arrive Mrs. Lupin is awakening.  My days of reading countless mystery novels has been kicked into full drive.  Remus is kneeling next to his mother muttering to himself.  I have seen enough to know what must be done.  "Remus do you have a pair of gloves and a clean rag?" I ask.

          He looks at me strangely and asks, "Why?"

"If you don't want your mum to go to Azkaban then we need to make this look like an accident."  He looks at me strangely and I say, "Too many mystery novels as a child."  He fetches them for me and I slip on the gloves and take the gun from Mrs. Lupin's hand.  Carefully I wipe the gun clean of all finger prints and gently place the gun in the late Mr. Lupin's hand.  "This was an accident," I say.  "He was cleaning the gun and it accidentally discharged.  Got that?  I'm going floo the Ministry now."  They look at me rather blankly and nod.

"I'm going to place a concealing charm on these bruises okay?  We don't need to let anyone think that you had a motive."  

When the Ministry people arrive I give them a quick and rather changed version of Mr. Lupins' death.  After a quick conversation it is decided that it would be best if both Remus and his mother stayed with the Potters for a few days so that things could be cleaned up.  

          We arrive to a rather sleepy but informed Mr. and Mrs. Potter and a worried James.  Mrs. Potter ushers us all into the kitchen and starts bustling around making tea immediately.  I've never understood why people make tea when something bad has happened but Mrs. Lupin looks very grateful for it.  

          "I think that you boys should get to bed," says Mrs. Potter suddenly.  "I'll set up another bed in James' room for you Remus."  Her voice and face soften when she looks at him in a way that touches me deeply.  This is one of the reasons that I love Mrs. Potter and envy James so much for having her; she has met Remus and his mother only a few brief times but already she has taken them under her motherly wing.  "Lucy you can sleep in the guest room, I'm sure that you're both tired."

          We allow ourselves to be herded up the stairs; Remus moving rather woodenly.  "Go to sleep soon boys," calls Mrs. Potter as she leaves us to our own devices.  

          "You can have the bed if you want Remus," says James quietly, "it's bigger."  He winks at us.  For the first time since his father's death Remus' face leaves its deadpan expression and a small smile graces his face.

          Then suddenly he says, "Siri take the spell off I think that James needs to know."  I look at him questioningly but do it anyway.  James gasps in surprise at the gruesome sight before him and sits down abruptly on the bed.  Remus and I follow and sit together at the opposite end.  

          "As you can probably see my Father wasn't the nicest person in the world," he starts.  "Since I was seven he's been hurting my mother and I.  Tonight he went a bit too far.  My father didn't die in an accident; my mother shot him in self defense."  With this he gets up and heads abruptly for the bathroom leaving a very shocked James in his wake.  

          When he comes back he heads to the bed that we have since vacated and gets in.  He pulls the covers up to his chin and faces away from us.  James and I exchange a look before moving to the bed.  Gently I pry the covers down and turn him around.  In his eyes I can see the unshed tears that he's trying so hard not to let fall.

          I gently gather him in my arms and hold him close to me.  "It's okay to cry," I whisper in his ear.  And he does.  Huge, convulsive sobs shake his thin shoulders as I hold him close to me.  "Shhh," I whisper, "It's alright.  He was bad to you.  He hurt you.  It's better this way."

          "B…but he was still m…my father," he sobs into my shoulder.  "He l…loved me once.  I…if it wasn't for that damn werewolf we…we'd have been fine."  I pull the emotional boy closer and rub his back.  He's never spoken of that fateful day before.  "I…I still l…loved him."

          Eventually the sobs are reduced to deep shuddering breaths that wrack his body yet come farther and farther apart with every minute.  "I'm being stupid," he whispers finally.

          "No you're not," says James from the foot of the bed, "this has to be really hard on you.  I think that I'd be worried if you didn't cry a bit."

          I wipe some errant tears from his face with my thumb.  "You're the strongest person I know Remus," I whisper to him.

          Shortly after that James' breathing evens out.  Remus follows him shortly.  I sigh and pull him down with me before I surrender to the blackness of sleep.  I have my angel back with me.  His wings are a bit damaged but I think that he'll mend.

Third Person POV

          Lucy Lupin and Eleanora Potter sit at the Potters kitchen table nursing luke-warm cups of tea.  Mr. William Potter has long since gone to bed for he has to go to work in the morning.  When Sirius undid the spell to uncover Remus' injuries, Lucy's were also revealed.  For the past half an hour the two women have been having a very interesting conversation which has finally lead to the confession of the late Mr. Lupins' murder.

          Eleanora does not blame Lucy in the least and in this time the two women have forged the beginnings of a solid friendship.  "You must be tired," says Eleanora, "shall we check the boys and get you to bed?"

          Lucy smiles tiredly and says, "Yes that sounds like an excellent idea."  So, the two women make their way upstairs and into James' room.

          In the room they find all three boys fast asleep on James' bed.  "Come on dear," whispers Eleanora to James.  She as quietly as possible helps the sleepy boy to one of the camp beds where he immediately falls asleep again.  The mother gently pulls a blanket over her son before kissing him goodnight on the forehead.

          She then moves to the two remaining boys.  When she tries to move Remus from the tangle of Sirius' arms, however, he just clutches to the other boy tighter. 

          "Might as well just leave them," says Lucy as she crosses the room.  "I'm glad that he's even asleep.  He normally doesn't get much."  Eleanora pulls a blanket over the entwined pair and Lucy kisses her son on the forehead.

          Eleanora shows Lucy to her room and then leaves for her own.  In her room Lucy Lupin snuggles down under the soft covers it is now that the tears come.  Thankfully she soon falls into a deep and dreamless sleep.

Bet you didn't see that coming.  Review!     


	12. Funerals and Massages

Wow, over one hundred reviews!  I never thought that I'd ever write something this popular.  Thanks so much.  Also there's a small quote from the Bible.  I'm not trying to make them religious, it just seemed to fit.  So now on with the story.

Remus' POV

          I awake to the sight of a sleeping Sirius very close to my face.  The morning sunlight streams through the thin curtains and highlights his ebony hair.  It is long past sunrise but I'm far past the point of caring.  He stirs in his sleep and I find myself being pulled closer to him.  

          I blush slightly as I think back to last night.  I really made an arse out of myself.  I try so hard to not let my emotions show, but sometimes they get away from me.  

          The full impact of the previous nights' events hit me as Sirius awakes.  I wonder if we did the right thing by covering it up.  I doubt that we'll be caught; wizards hardly ever investigate too closely when a Muggle weapon was involved.  Besides, why would my mother or I want the "loving and caring" father and "devoted and loving" husband dead?

          "Knut for your thoughts," says the sleepy voice of Sirius in my ear.  

          I kiss him on the nose and say, "save the knut for a rainy day."  

          "Sometimes you're too stubborn for your own good," he replies before kissing me full on the mouth.

          "Really guys," says James as he walks into the room, "Keep it to the minimum would you?  There's no need for you to traumatize my mum."  "Or Remus'," he adds as an afterthought. 

          We pull apart quickly.  "It's probably best if my mother doesn't find out," I say quietly to Sirius, "I think that something like this would push her over the edge." 

          "You're probably right," he says as he reluctantly releases me from the prison of his arms.  I give him a grateful smile and one last peck on the lips before getting up.  

          "Is there a shower I can use?" I ask James.  He points me in the right direction and I head off to mull things over with a bit of hot water.  

                                                          ~*~*~*

          A long shower and a towel with a heating charm placed on it courtesy of Sirius later I'm feeling ready to face the world.  We head to the kitchen where Mrs. Potter has left us breakfast.  I pick half heartedly at the toast, eggs, and bacon until I'm threatened to be force feed.  Honestly I'm not a child; I can take care of myself.  But Sirius doesn't see things like that.  In fact, if one of us needs looking after it's him not me.  Oh well, I might as well humor him.  

          My mother enters the room and in the morning sunlight I can fully see the dark shadows under her eyes and the paleness of her skin.  It must have been a hard night for her for she obviously hasn't gotten much sleep.  "Remus dear can I have a word?" she asks hoarsely.  

          "Sure mum," I reply as I rise from my seat; happy to leave the despised food behind.

          We exit the warm and spacious kitchen and enter the living room.  "The Ministry flooed this morning," she starts quietly, "they've offered to set up a funeral."

          "When will it be," I ask.

          "In three days," is the reply.  It's so soon; how will we ever be ready?  

I hate funerals; always have, always will.  I hate the way people stare at the deceased person's family with that look of pity.  Everyone wears black and cries and the whole affair is just downright uncomfortable.  When I die I want people to wear white and celebrate the life I lived not morn the end of it.  I mean all good things must come to an end right?  Death is just the next step of the journey. 

          She's talking again, "we'll have to find some decent things to wear and we'll have to invite people.  Eleanora has offered to help with the reception afterwards.  We're allowed to go home after that."  I can tell that she's nervous.  Her hands are shaking and there is a slight tremor in her voice.

          "It'll be fine mum," I say quietly.  

          She smiles at me and says, "You can invite some friends if you'd like besides James and Sirius." 

          "Thanks," I say, "I think that I'll do that right now."  There is a heavy silence before I say, "you all right?"  

          "I think I will be," she says.  It will take a bit of time, but I believe her.  We hug tightly and I feel warm and loved.  At least one of my parents still loves me regardless of who I am; I could be like Sirius and have my whole family hate me.  We draw apart and I go off the floo Lily, Peter, and Jen.

                                                ~*~*~*~*~

          "_Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I fear no evil"  _Of course he wouldn't fear evil for he was evil himself.  Maybe not entirely so, I still believe in the fact that he had a bit of good in him but the alcohol turned him sour and uncaring.  The thought of what was lost to the vile drink almost makes me want to cry but the thought of crying in front of all these distant relatives and so called friends immediately shuts the dam.  

          The funeral is happening now; after three hellish days of preparation were finally here.  I'm sitting in my black suit in-between Lily and Sirius.  Both have taken hold of one of my hands and every so often Sirius will squeeze the one in his possession.  My mother, James' parents, Peters' parents, Lilys' parents, and Jens' parents sit behind us.  

          It is a small and quiet affair and I'm loathing every moment that I must spend sitting here.  All I want to do is fall into Sirius' arms but that can't happen here.  If I was a female there would be no problem with my boyfriend comforting me, but I'm male and so it can't be (at least not in public.)  

          Now the one who is residing over the ceremony (I never did catch his title) is finished talking and the coffin is being lowered into the ground.  Thankfully its lid was kept closed throughout the service so I was spared having to look at him.  I suppose it's time to face the music, or rather the relatives.  I figure that it's just my luck that my father came from a huge extended family.  

          "Stay with me," I whisper to Sirius as we are whisked out of the cemetery and to the portkey which will take us to the reception.  I grip his hand tightly as we are immediately attacked by a pack of sympathetic relatives.  I'm hugged and kissed and pinched and generally mauled by the hoard.  I don't even know half of them but they all seem to know me.

          When I'm finally able Sirius and I make a direct retreat to the table that the others have staked out.  "If I hear the words 'we're so sorry for your loss' one more time I swear I'll kill whoever says them," I growl to my friends.

          "But Remus we really are sorry for your loss," says Sirius.  I glare at him and turn the other way.  "Oh come on Moony, don't be like that.  I was only trying to lighten the mood," he pleads.

          How can I resist that?  I turn back and give him a half smile, "its okay Sirius," I say softy, "I'm just a little on edge right now."  

          He pulls me into a tight hug and I don't even care that we're in public.  Let them look; I've past the point of caring.  

          All too soon it's time for them to leave.  The last of the relations have been pushed out the door and now it's time for them to go as well.  I drag Sirius into a dark corner and we have a good and proper snog before he has to leave.  

          Back at the front door I hug them all in turn and say my goodbyes.  When the front finally shuts after them for the last time (Sirius came back twice for another hug) mum and I turn to face the empty house.  

          "We'll clean up tomorrow," she says, "for now let's just get some sleep."  I smile at her and I can't help but think that these next few weeks before school starts again will be very interesting. 

                                                ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Sirius' POV

          It's September the first.  I've been getting letters regularly but I can't wait to see my Remus again.  I wanted to visit but Mrs. Potter told me that it would probably be best if I didn't.  Apparently Remus and his mother have been doing a bit of bonding and the wounds are starting to heal.  Remus said that the guns and all the beer in the house were disposed of so they seem to be on the right path.

          There he is.  I watch as he hugs and kisses his mother and starts walking in my direction.  It never ceases to amaze me that he can take my breath away by just walking towards me.  I make sure that my body is well hidden as he comes closer and at the last second I reach out and pull him to me.  

          "Hello to you too," he says as he snuggles his head into the crook of my neck.

          "Honestly," says James as he walks up with Lily on his arm, "I leave you two alone for two seconds and look at what I come back to!"  Remus laughs his musical, lilting laugh and I'm lost.

          Our next encounter is not such a pretty one.  "Well if it isn't our resident queers?" sneers the greasiest git of them all (otherwise know as Snape).  

          "At least I have someone to love me as does Sirius," says Remus from the circle of my arms, "that's more than you can say."  There is a pregnant pause before Remus says, "come on Padfoot lets go find the others and get a seat."  With that I find myself being dragged by the hand into the Hogwarts express.

          "Bit feisty today are we?" I ask.  He just grins and keeps walking.  It's wonderful to see him back to his old self again.  We find Peter and Jen snogging in a car and join them (that is we join in the sitting not the snogging.)  

          James and Lily soon join us bursting with news.  I, of course, have not heard much of anything else since the bloody letter came but the others don't know.  "You'll never guess who the Head Girl and Boy are," says James.

          "Do tell," I say with just a bit of sarcasm. 

          "Lily and I," he nearly shouts, "imagine me of all people the Head Boy!"  

          "That's great James," says Remus, "congratulations to both of you."  He smiles but I can see a bit of disappointment.  I know that Remus really wanted to be Head Boy.  I take his hand and squeeze gently.  I'm rewarded with one of his dazzling smiles that I love so much.  James in his delirious state of happiness doesn't notice.   

          We are enjoying the ride very much until a girl from Hufflepuff comes into the car.  "Remus how are you?" she asks with a look of pity on her face.

          "I'm fine," he says with a bit of confusion.

          "I heard what happened this summer and I just wanted to let you know that I'm here for you."  Then she gives him a big hug and walks out of the car.  

          "Well that was strange," says Peter a bit too loudly, trying to cover the uncomfortable silence.  We resume our conversation but the happy atmosphere of before is gone.  Remus hates pity in all way, shape and form and it shows.

          This happens twice more before we arrive at Hogwarts and once on the way to the horseless carriages.  Well at least I thought that they were horseless.  "Remus do you see those horses?" I ask as we pile into one of the carriages.  

          "Yeah," he says, "I wonder when they came."  Lily and James are looking at us funnily.  

          "What horses?" says James.

          "You mean that you can't see them?" asks Remus in confusion.  

          Just then something clicks in Lilys' brain.  "They must have been thestrals," she says, "only people who have seen someone die can see them.  I read about it in second year when I first saw these carriages being pulled by nothing."  Immediately Remus closes up.  

                                                ~*~*~*~*~

          It's been two weeks since we returned to Hogwarts.  There's still hatred from many people towards us but I think that most people have either accepted it or are just ignoring us; the second one being the more common.  The other thing that we've had to contend with is the pity for Remus.  It seems that the Daily Prophet ran a story on the death and everyone knows about it. 

          He's been so tense and irritable lately.  He snaps at the littlest of things which is not like him at all.  That is why I've decided that something must be done.

          "Come with me," I say to my uptight werewolf who is sitting in a chair reading a large book.  He doesn't even look up.  I try again by taking the book and giving him the puppy dog face.

          "Oh fine," he snaps, "but make it quick I've got studying to do.  We've got our N.E.W.T.s to study for."  I smile and pull him up the stairs to our vacant dorms.

          "Change into comfortable clothes and leave the shirt off," I say calmly.  He gives me a funny look, but does it anyway, his curiosity getting the best of him.  "Now lay face down on the bed," say as I kick off my shoes.  When the action has been completed I sit next to him on the bed.

          Gently I start to work the muscles in his neck, shoulders, and back.  Slowly working my way across the relatively unmarred skin; I suppose that the wolf cannot reach his back too well.  While I kneed the tense skin I speak, "You've really got to relax," I start, "just ignore them.  They're ignorant and don't know any better.  Just grin and bear it.  Eventually they'll forget about it; something else will happen and the attention will be directed towards someone else."  He nods and I lapse into silence.

A while later I'm still kneading and rubbing; but it seems like my efforts are paying off; the muscles are loosening.  "Are you feeling better now?" I ask quietly.  I get no response so I shift to see his face only to find that he's gone to sleep.  I laugh quietly to myself before curling up next to him and pull him close to me.  It's not long after that that I also enter the land of dreams.  

Review!


	13. Letters from Home

A/N:  I promise that I'll try to update faster but my life's just been really hectic lately.  Thanks to reviewers and I'm really sorry about the delay; enjoy!

Remus' POV

          It's been three weeks since Sirius put me in my place.  He did it gently and didn't actually come out and say it, but I really was acting like a spoiled child.  

          As it turned out something did happen to divert the attention away from me.  About two weeks ago a fourth year Hufflepuff's parents were murdered and the waves of sympathy were turned towards her.  Their murder was a man named Voldemort; a powerful adversary who's gaining followers.  They call him the Dark Lord and many of the Slytherins want to or already have joined his forces.  We want to join in the fight against him but when James asked Dumbledore about it he said that we can do nothing until we graduate.

          It's early and I'm the first one awake as usual; that won't last long.  "Sirius," I whisper to the peacefully sleeping boy next to me.  He mumbles something incoherent and I try again.  Finally after five attempts he awakens.

          "What do you want?" he grumbles.

          "Come flying with me," I say.  

          He stares at me blankly for a few seconds before saying, "What?"

          "Let's get our brooms and go flying," I say again as I climb out of the bed.  He gives me a funny look but he gets up and joins me.  After dressing quickly we set off for the Quidditch pitch.  I like flying although I'm not overly fond of playing Quidditch unless it's just for fun.  I love the free feeling that I get when I'm soaring through the air.

          The October air is crisp and cool; perfect for flying.  The newly risen sun shines brightly on our faces as we collect our brooms from the storage shed and make our way to the pitch.  I watch him as he takes off; his face upturned to the warmth of the sun and the wind whipping his hair all about his face.  

          "I'm glad you thought of this Moony," he says as I join him in the air, "it's peaceful out here."  I smile to my self as he soars off to the other end of the field; it's not often the Sirius Black stops to smell the roses. 

          "I'll race you to the other end," I say as I come up beside him.

          "Bet I'll win," he says as he shoots off.  I speed after him and have almost over taken him when he stops short.  He takes advantage of the fact that I've almost just run into him by pulling me to him and kissing me square on the mouth.

          "Feisty puppy this morning aren't we?" I ask as he pulls away.

          "Just a bit," he replies, then, "Let's go to breakfast I'm starving."  I agree and we head in the direction of the Great Hall.

          James and Peter are already seated when we arrive so we plop down across from them.  I'm helping myself to eggs and toast as the mail arrives.  I've been captivated by the morning post ever since day one here at Hogwarts and I still am.  I watch as the owls stream into the room; a flurry of wings and feathers.  I observe as each owl locates its owner and settles down on their table to deliver its burden and hopefully get a bit of breakfast in the process.  

          An owl carrying the Daily Prophet lands in front of me and a sleek barn owl lands in front of Sirius.  Ever since our fifth year the four of us have gotten a newspaper.  All of us wanted to keep up with the news so we decided that instead of getting four separate papers we'd take turns buying a community one.  

           I turn to see what has been delivered to Sirius to see him staring blankly at two envelopes, one a regular white and a red.  "You'd better open it Sirius," says Peter in a hushed voice, "remember what happened to the one we sent Snape in third year when he didn't open it?"  Sirius nods mutely and slips a finger into the opening to break the seal.  Immediately a high pitched, yelling voice fills the Hall, 

          "YOU BASTARD!  YOU FILTHY GAY BASTARD! DATING A BOY AND A HALF BLOOD AT THAT; YOU SICKEN ME!  I NEVR WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN EVER AFTER WHAT YOU'VE DONE TO MY POOR HEART!  NEVER COME NEAR ME OR MY FAMILY EVER AGAIN; YOU ARE OFFICALLY DISOWNED!"

          With that final statement the parchment burst into flames.  "Well I guess we won't have to worry about having to tell my parents about us," he says a bit too cheerfully, trying to make a joke out of it.  James and Peter laugh and don't seem to notice the look of deep hurt in Sirius' eyes.  

          We walk out of the hall a few minutes later hand in hand and Sirius telling a particularly dirty joke.  I sigh but have to laugh when he gets to the punch line even though my older inner self is telling me that there shouldn't be anything remotely funny about it.  "Honestly Sirius," says Lily as she joins us, "There are children present."

          "Aw Lily Peter can handle it," he responds before he and James start laughing again.  

          "Hey," Peter says, "honestly born last and they've never let me live it down."  Jen pats his shoulder and offers some comfort as James and Sirius burst into laughter again.  It's going to be one of those days.  

                             ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

          I sit down at the table and lean my arms on it, massaging my temples.  It's been worse than I expected.  Sirius has been becoming steadily more obnoxious as the day has worn on.  He's been loud, rude, and has told more bad jokes than I've ever heard in my life; to put it quite bluntly he's getting on my nerves.  

          A pair of hands encircle my own and gently remove them from my head.  The hands that have removed my own begin to massage my pounding head.  "Headache?" asks Sirius.

          "Yeah a bit," I reply.  That's an understatement; my head feels like someone's pounding on it with a hammer from the inside but I'm not one to complain.  

          "Does this help any?"  He asks.  I nod my head in assent as he continues.  After a few minutes the rubbing stops and he takes his seat next to me.  Across the table James is sniggering into his food next to me Sirius is doing the same.  

          I sigh and ask the incoming Lily calmly to borrow her mirror.  Sure enough there on my forehead are black marks that look remarkably like finger prints.  I mutter the cleansing spell before discreetly placing a sign onto his back reading, 'I love Severus Snape.'  Two can play this game.  

                             ~*~*~*~*~*~*~

          "James have you noticed anything strange about Sirius today?" I inquire.  Afternoon classes are over and I'm really starting to get worried.  The jokes have gotten even dirtier (if that's possible) and Sirius has gotten himself three detentions.  

          "He's been a bit lewd but not really," he replies.  Now I love James like a brother but "a bit lewd"?  I think that I've just found a contestant for the biggest understatement of the year.  Oh well, I guess those years of intentionally and unintentionally watching Sirius have made me a bit more aware of his moods.  

          I sigh and go to find Sirius.  When I do find him he's bewitching a first year Slytherins' hair red and gold.  The poor child looks ready to burst into tears, yet feels that they must uphold their Slytherin dignity.  "Sirius Black I think that we need to talk," I say quietly before I say the spell to return the petrified first years' hair back to normal.  

          He reminds me of a rejected puppy as he silently follows me.  "Honestly bewitching first years," I mutter.  We walk in silence the rest of the way to the dorms; Sirius a half of a step behind me.  When we finally make it to the dorms we flop on my bed.  Sirius sits at the end while I stretch out vertically.  

          "What's bothering you?" I ask gently.  

          "What makes you think something's bothering me?" he asks, "everything's fine!"  His voice is just a bit too overly bright to be normal.  What kind of a word is 'fine' anyway?  

          "Sirius," I start, "I probably know you almost as well as you do.  The way that you've been acting today is proof that you're not 'fine'.  In fact I'd say that you're horrible.  It's that howler isn't it?"

          I open my arms in an invitation to join me at the top of the bed.  He crawls up into my arms; slinging an arm around my waist and resting his head on my chest.  I put my arms around him and he speaks, "If I tell you what's wrong do you promise not to tell anyone and to not laugh?"

          He looks up at me with big child like eyes and I realize that for all his protectiveness and adult like speeches he's nothing more than a child trying to make sense of the world.  I hold him a bit tighter as I stare into his blue depths.  "Of course I won't laugh at you Sirius," I whisper to him.  

          He sighs and starts talking, "Well you see ever since I was five when I made friends with a Muggle girl my parents have not been very nice to me.  It's not like they were very nice to begin with but that was when they used the first Living Dream."

          I gasp, "They used those things on you?"

          "Yeah," he says rather uncomfortably, "anyway, it just got worse when I was sorted into Gryffindor.  Well it turns out that over the summer Regulus told them about us.  It seems that that was the straw that broke the camels' back, even though I ran away before that.  The letter that I got today basically said that I was disowned; burned off the family tree.  She said that she doesn't love me.  Remus, I want my mother to love me.  Is it bad to be seventeen and still want to be loved by your mum and dad?"  

          I pull him as close as I can before saying, "No Sirius it's perfectly normal to want to be loved by your parents.  I wanted to be loved by my father before he died."  

          He smiles up at me before saying, "Thanks Remus, you always know how to make me feel better."  I lean down and catch his lips with mine and he smiles at me when I break it.  

          "That's what I'm here for," I say.  

          "I feel bad complaining to you though," he says quietly.

          "Sirius sometimes people need to vent.  Otherwise they keep it all inside until they blow up and then it's much worse," I say.

          "I suppose your right," he says. 

          "Aren't I always?" I ask in a teasing voice.  Then, "if you promise to stop acting like an idiot we can go to dinner."

          He gets up and grabs my hand, "I promise, now come on I'm starving!"  I laugh quietly to myself as I follow him out the door.

Review!


	14. Fight

Thanks to reviewers.  Sirius' skin problems were inspired by my own.  ::scratches arm::  Now, on with the fic!

Remus' POV

It's been three weeks since Sirius' letter came and we've all been very happy.  Halloween came and went in a happy blur of food and fun and now November has set in.  Everything was wonderful, that is until Dumbledore decided to have a little chat with me this morning.

          The day started out like any other; Sirius and I had risen at sunrise, James and Peter were a bit late to breakfast, and soon after they had sauntered in Snape had arrived with something that looked suspiciously like a rabbit tail attached to his backside. 

I may not hate Snape, but I certainly don't like him either.  If the prank is not too hurtful I join in, although I haven't really too much lately.  I came up with more when we were younger; Sirius and even James said I was good at it.

          Anyway, as we were leaving the Great Hall to go to History of Magic Dumbledore stopped me and requested my presence in his office during my morning break.  Although confused I said that I would.  All the way through the incredibly boring class I was anxious and Sirius had to stop my jiggling leg five times.  The fifth time he just left his hand there.  After a quick see you later I hurried off to Dumbledore's office.

          There's nothing quite like that office anywhere else in the world.  There are strange instruments everywhere and a huge phoenix named Fawkes.  What I had not expected in the strange surroundings was Severus Snape.

          It's amazing how in a few minutes things can go so horribly wrong.  I'm walking away from that meeting now.  Tutoring.  He wants me to tutor Snape in charms and in turn Snape will tutor me in potions: my worst subject.  It's bad enough that I even have to take the class but to now I have to spend extra time leaning it and with Snape!  Dumbledore mentioned something about learning to work together and making new alliances, but with Snape?  Sirius is going to have puppies over this one.

           I walk slowly to my next class.  I don't really want to tell the others.  I approach the classroom door and now I'm sitting in my seat and calmly telling them about my undeserved torture. 

          "Do you want us to come with you Moony?" asks James.

          I shake my head no, "I think that it'd probably go better if you guys didn't come along.  I think that he'd probably feel threatened and there'd just be a fight.  I want this to go as quickly and painlessly as possible," I say.

          "If you're sure," says Sirius in a tone that clearly says that I must be out of my mind to go somewhere with Snape alone.  Well, I probably am.  

                             ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

          Night has come quicker that I wanted it to.  Tonight will be potions and tomorrow will be charms.  Next week will be the same.  Dumbledore thought that it would be best if we did the subjects on different nights once a week.  As I prepare to leave the common room Peter and Jen give me sympathetic smiles, James a comforting pat on the shoulder, Lily a light kiss on the cheek, and Sirius a nice long kiss on the lips.

          "Be careful," he whispers as we finally pull away, "he's hurt you before."  I give him one last smile before stepping out of his arms, promising my caution and exiting the room.

          "Evening," I say in a rather strained voice when I meet him on the staircase that leads down to the dungeons.  He just nods.  

          When we arrive in our potions classroom he says, "Here are the instructions for six potions.  Tonight I want you to make each one so that I can see just how dreadful you really are at this."  Although he's being short and formal it's better than the string of insults that normally accompanies our conversations so I'm not complaining. 

          Everything is going fine when he suddenly says, "don't put that in…"  BOOM, "…there."  He is cut off by the sound of my cauldron exploding and droplets of my potion flying everywhere.  "Now look what you've done you stupid werewolf!  What were you thinking about your boyfriend or something?  I should have known that this would only end in disaster.  You're nothing but a queer werewolf who couldn't make a potion to save his life.  Your friends are no better; Potter and Black always walking around like they own the school.  I bet they're screwing each other on the side…"  Slap.  I slap him across the face, effectively cutting off the torrent of abuse that is coming from his mouth.  

          "Why do you hate me?"  I start with a vengeance, "is it that you're jealous of the friendships and the romantic relationship that I have or are you just a prejudiced homophobe?  Please enlighten me because I don't understand this hate you seem to hold for me.  I've never hated anyone in my life and I'm curious."  I don't know why I let him get under my skin like that, it just happened.  

          I stand there waiting for an answer but it doesn't come.  Finally I walk out saying, "I'll see you tomorrow night at eight.  Don't be late."  Then I walk out with the potion slowly eating holes into my robes and my face singed.     

                   ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

          I'm standing outside of Dumbledore's office for the second time in two days.  Last night when I got back it took me twenty minutes to placate the group enough to convince them that it was really my fault that I was hurt and that I was the one who had done the slapping and not Snape.  

          I then had to take care of Sirius.  When the seasons change he gets terrible dry skin.  Angry red patches cover his arms, shoulders, neck, and hands.  Madame Pomfrey gave him a special crème to help with the rash and itching and every night I help him apply it.  I rather enjoy this nightly ritual and will almost be sad when it gets to the point where it's not bad enough for me to have to apply it.  I say almost, because I hate to see him uncomfortable and itchy.  It seems like he's always scratching at this time of the year and when winter turns into spring.  

          Now I'm back at Dumbledore's office.  He asked to see me this morning at breakfast.  I'm hoping that he's going to tell me that I don't have to work with Snape anymore, but that's not his way.  Oh well, I can dream can't I?

          "Ah Mr. Lupin," he greets as I enter the room, "wonderful to see you.  Why don't you take a seat?  Lemon drop?"  I mutely accept.  "The events of last night have come to my attention and it appears that you slapped Mr. Snape.  Is that correct?"

          "Yes sir," I whisper.

          "Mr. Lupin, it has also come to my attention that you provoked and that a rather nice caldron has been reduced to liquid.  Is that also correct?"

          "Yes sir," I say even softer than before.

          "Mr. Lupin I'm going to tell you something that I want you to promise not to tell anyone, not even Mr. Black."  I nod my agreement.  "When I formed this alliance between you and Mr. Snape I hoped that maybe the two of you could become alliances of a sort.  I'm not asking you to be best friends with the boy, but he's had a hard life.  I'm afraid of what could happen to him were he to fall in with the wrong crowd.  He doesn't really have friends, as you may have noticed, and has attempted suicide twice."  I gasp and he continues, "His home life may not be as bad as yours but he has been raised to hate.  My thoughts are if he has a homosexual werewolf for a friend that it may help to get rid of some of those hatreds."  

          "I didn't know," I say simply, "I'll try harder Professor."  

          He smiles at me, his blue eyes twinkling.  "Good, now go along to class.  Have a nice day Remus."

          "You too sir," I say as I leave the room with considerably more to think about and very confused. 

Sirius' POV

          It's been two weeks since Remus and Snape started tutoring each other.  I don't like it.  Remus is trying to make the best of it but Snape isn't trying very hard to make the best of it at all.  I'm actually getting a bit fed up with Remus.  He's being such a spoilsport about teasing Snape lately.  I'll talk to him about it in the morning I think as he massages crème into my dry and itchy skin.  

          I don't really like the stuff.  It's cold and slimy; especially when Remus and I settle down for the night.  "Good night Moony," I murmur as we settle together in my bed.  I can barely make out the muffled reply as he snuggles into my chest.

                             ~*~*~*~*~

          We awake early as always to watch the sunrise.  All too soon the others are awake and we must leave the sanctuary of the window seat and each others' arms.  When the others are ready for breakfast I wave them on, holding Remus back.  

          "Go on guys we'll be down soon," I say.  When they have left I say, "Remus, I'm worried about how much time you're spending with Snape lately."

          He looks at me for a moment before saying, "well we have been assigned to help each other.  What are you jealous?"  

          "No," I say quickly, "it's just that you spend so much time together and it seems like your trying to be nice to him or something.  It's weird, I mean, he's Snape."

          "Just because he's been nasty in the past doesn't mean that he can't change.  It's not we've been very nice to him either."  His voice is starting to rise just a bit and I can tell that he's getting mad.  Well so am I.

          "I don't like it." I state firmly.  

          "Well too bad," he hisses, "and if you think about it this is your fault anyway.  You're the one who talked me into taking the bloody course anyway."  

          My voice rising with every word I say, "Why can't you just ask if someone else can help you: like me?"  

          His temper is flaring too, "then what would Snape do about his charms grade?  I spend practically every waking hour with you.  Hell, I spend my sleeping hours with you too.  Sometimes I need my away time!"  

          A few minutes later our argument has progressed into an all out shouting match, 

          "WEREWOLF," I scream at him.

          "QUEER," he counters.

          "HYPOCRITE"

          "WELL AT LEAST I HAVE A PARENT WHO LOVES ME!" He shouts.  Then there is dead silence.  That hurt a lot.  Anger and hurt flooding my brain I turn and stalk out of the room.

          At breakfast we sit as far apart from each other as possible; each of us stabbing at our breakfasts as the others talk cheerfully.  Eventually Lily figures out that we've had a fight and she squeals.  She and Jen then gush about our first fight and how cute it is.  I want to strangle them or throw up, I'm not sure which.  I hate it when girls giggle.

           All through morning classes we don't speak and at lunchtime I watch as he gives Snape an extra big smile.  I growl low in my throat but no one hears me.

          By dinnertime even Peter can feel the tension in the air.  We sit in stony silence as we do our homework.  Because we're seventh years now, we've been getting a lot of homework.  It's only November and the teachers are already talking about our NEWTS.  That means a severe increase in our workload.   

          Bed time comes and we're still not talking.  I struggle with my lotion on my own until James comes and rescues me.  It isn't long after everyone falls asleep that I realize that sleep isn't going to be kind to me tonight.  I should apologize in the morning.  It really isn't his fault that he has to spend time with that greasy bastard and being an optimist I suppose that he's just trying to make the best of it.

          The clock is tolling midnight now and in the bed next to mine a figure has just shot up out of their slumber.  I sigh realizing that even though dead, the late Mr. Lupins' ghost still comes to visit Remus at night when I'm not there.  Remus gets up and comes to my bed.  I hold my breath in anticipation.  Did he wait for the others to go to sleep so that he could come yell at me or is he just here out of habit?

          "I'm sorry Padfoot," he whispers as his fingers trace familiar paths through my hair.  

          "It was my fault," I murmur just as quietly, "I shouldn't have made a big deal out of it."  

          "Let's just forget about it," he says.

          "Agreed," I say, "now come under the covers it must be freezing out there."  He does and as we curl up together I feel very happy.  We've made it through our first fight.

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	15. Christmas at the Potters

A/N:  Thanks to reviewers!  I promise that I'll let Sirius talk more… my Remus muse just wouldn't shut up.  There will be a new speaker today and probably more than a little fluff.  It's also very long.  Enjoy!

Sirius' POV

          I love Christmas.  It's a happy holiday when everyone comes together and there are presents galore.  This Christmas the Potters have been gracious enough to let me stay with them.  Actually everybody is staying with the Potters.

          It was James' idea back in November to plan a huge week long Christmas with our group and their parents; kind of a last hurrah with our collective families before we graduate and move out.  Surprisingly they agreed and the invitations were sent out.  Even more surprisingly everyone agreed to come.  So, in roughly fifteen minutes Remus and his mother, Jen, her parents and her sister Melanie, Peter and his parents, and Lily who is bringing her parents and her sister Petunia who is bringing her fiancée Vernon Dursley.  I was a bit shocked to hear of the last people on the list, but Lily said that her parents wouldn't let her sister stay home so as a consolation she's allowed to bring Dursley along. 

          James' parents have decided to go all out.  All of the beds in the house have been shrunk and were replaced with cushy sleeping bags.  The boys will sleep in James' room, the girls in the guest room, and there are nice two person (well, one one person one) in Mr. and Mrs. Potters' room. 

          The door bell is ringing and I rush down the stairs.  I'm eager to see my Remus again even though we've only been separated for a few days.  I know that we won't be able to touch each other very much, but it'll be enough just to be near him.  I suppose that there's always sneaking off for a while too. 

          "Peter," I say as he walks through the door.

          "Hi Sirius, James, it's great to see you," he says brightly.  "This is going to be so much fun.  It was a great idea James." 

          James smiles and says, "Yeah I'd have to say that it is," then, "come on Wormtail let's get this stuff upstairs." 

          We've just come downstairs after taking Peter's along with Peter's parents stuff upstairs when the doorbell rings again.  "Remus," I say happily as I pull him into a tight hug.  He squeezes back, his head resting on my shoulder for a moment before pulling away.  He then moves on to hug the others. 

          We decided back at Hogwarts that it would be best if we all were physical with one another so that Remus and I don't stand out.  We're pretty close so it's really not anything new, just a little extra. 

          The others arrive after that.  By twelve everyone has arrived and we're all introduced.  Vernon Dursley is a big man; I mean really big.  My guess is that he weighs between two hundred and three hundred pounds.  Petunia on the other hand is skin and bones with a long neck.  Both of them have made it perfectly obvious that they don't really want to be here.  According to Lily, her sister hates magic in all way, shape, and form.  Dursley knows about it and the fact that he's surrounded by wizards is obviously making him uncomfortable. 

          "Why don't we go up to my room," suggests James.  I could kiss him, really I could.  Actually I could kiss Remus and have been fighting that urge since he walked through the door.  We get up and head for the exit when I notice something.  Melanie, Jen's sister, is following us.  I almost groan aloud in frustration. 

          "Remus," I say as sweetly as I can when we reach our destination, "would you help me with something?" I ask with a wink.

          "Of course Padfoot," he says with a smile and a wink of his own.  I nearly drag him out of the room and down the hall.  Once the bathroom door is firmly locked I pounce on my startled boyfriend, covering his face with kisses.  He responds by capturing my mouth with his. 

          After about ten minutes he says against my mouth, "we should go back."  Sighing I agree and after straitening our clothing and hair we walk back to the room.  We sit on the floor, thighs pressed together, and Melanie comes over to sit with us.  It's now that I notice the look on her face.  I've seen it often enough living with James pining away for Lily for so long.  She's got a crush on Remus.

          Mrs. Potter has always thought that at big family or friendly gatherings that the adults should sit in one place and the children in another.  So, we're sitting at a large table about three feet away from the "adult" table.  The definition has been modified of course to basically say that anyone who's never been married is a child.

          Melanie seats herself on Remus' other side and I almost groan in frustration and jealously; for a ten year old she sure is flirtatious.  In fact for the next half an hour after Remus and I returned from the bathroom flirting is all she's been doing.  Stop it, I scold myself, she's ten years old and Remus doesn't even like girls.  Smiling smugly to myself because of this information I discreetly take Remus' hand under the table. 

          Across from us are Petunia and Vernon.  As the wonderful food starts its circulation around the table Vernon and I make a poor attempt at conversation.  Seeing as I don't know anything about Muggles and he doesn't know anything about wizards it makes for a strained conversation.  Remus, who actually pays attention in Muggle studies, has struck up a very polite conversation with Petunia about politics.  For some reason Remus gets a Muggle newspaper delivered once a week so that he can catch up on the news.  He says that the reason is something like 'if we understand them then maybe there'll be less Muggle hate crimes'.  I personally think that he's just scared of people finding out that he's a werewolf and being turned out of the wizarding world.  Hence he wants to know about Muggles in case he has to live with them.    

          As the meal progresses the subject inevitably turns to girlfriends.  I'd better play it safe and say that I'm single.  "I'm not seeing anyone right now," I explain nervously to my less than pleasurable dinner companion, "my last girlfriend and I broke up sometime in October."  I hate lying and I'm not very good at it, but he seems to buy it.

          Then he drops the bomb, "what did she look like?"

"Well," I say, "she was very pretty.  She had, umm, blonde hair, and uh, brown eyes and a very nice smile."  He just nods and I hope that my made up girl friend has passed inspection.

          Meanwhile Melanie, who's been listening in on our conversation, says, "So do you have a girlfriend Remus?"  Her tone of voice and the way she's batting her eyelashes is starting to make me sick.   

          "No," he replies, "I don't have a _girl_friend."  He then proceeds to wink at me.  Sometimes he's just as bad of a flirt as Melanie is!

          Needless to say I'm very happy when this torturous dinner is over.  James herds us into the living room and the adults disappear into another room.  Remus and I are lounging on either side of the door frame and the rest have found places to sit inside the room.  A plate of cookies catches my eye and I go to move towards them when I find that I can't.  Lily is laughing quietly and pointing discreetly upward.  I look to find enchanted mistletoe.

          Neither Remus nor I can move from this doorway until we kiss.  This is perfect.  I can one test my curiosity about the look on Dursley's face when I kiss my boyfriend and two I can make that little flirtatious brat jealous.  But then, again any excuse to kiss Remus is a good one.

          I put on the most disgusted tone I can manage and say, "Well Moony if we have to kiss we might as well do it properly."  I then proceed to grab him around the waist, dip him, and kiss him passionately on the lips.

          The results to my questions come quickly.  When we pull away Vernon and Petunia are sitting next to each other looking horrified and Melanie is giving me such a look that if looks could kill I'd be six feet under right now.  The spell, however, has been broken and we can't stay like this forever.  We disentangle ourselves from one another and make our way over to the couch where Lily and James are sitting.    

          Half way there, however, something catches Remus' eye and he stops.  "James," he says, "do you mind if I play the piano?"

          "Sure," he says, "I was planning on putting on some music anyways."  Remus smiles and makes his way over to the piano where he sits and places his fingers on the keys.  Then he starts to move them.  All I can do is stand there, enchanted by this hidden talent.  Soon he's getting requests and James has pulled out some old sheet music.  Melanie has claimed the seat on the bench next to him already, so I settle for behind him.  We're all singing, but all I can hear is Remus' sweet, lilting tenor as it weaves it's harmonies with the other voices present. 

          The adults join us and finally after one last verse of 'Silent Night' we're shooed off to bed.   After giving our presents to Mrs. Potter to deliver, Lily, Jen, and Petunia kiss their boyfriends and Melanie blows Remus a kiss. Then we're finally rid of them.  I love Lily and Jen like sisters, but Melanie is really starting to get on my nerves.

          The sleeping bags that Mrs. Potter has conjured are more like sleeping on air than on a hard floor and are very comfortable.  We arrange ourselves in a circle like shape so that all of our heads are in the middle.  Dursley is a bit farther away but still sort of in the circle. 

          "I didn't know that you could play the piano Remus," says Peter.  My thoughts exactly.

          "Yeah," he responds, "I started taking lessons when I was about four.  It came pretty naturally and was relaxing.  I used to practice when Dad wasn't home."

          "What happened to your Father?  Did he run out or something," asks Dursley in his snobbish tone.

          "No he died," states Remus calmly. 

          "A magic related death I'll bet," says Dursley in his 'I know everything and am better than you voice' that I'm coming to hate.

          "No it was a gun accident," says Remus.  He says it causally and without much emotion but I can see the small smirk on his face; Remus loves proving people wrong. 

          The wind seems to have been taken out of his sails and with a small 'oh' he rolls over.  "Goodnight then," he says.  We all look at each other and try not to laugh.  This impulse becomes stronger when he starts to snore.

          "Goodnight guys," says James.  We all mutter our responses and snuggle under the warm coverings.  Remus and I can't sleep together, but I stretch my hand above my hand and he covers it with his own.  I happily drift off to sleep.

          "MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!"  Someone shouts in my ear.  I awake to Remus sitting on my chest shouting this somewhat annoying phrase.  I look around to see a sleepy James and Peter sitting up and rubbing their eyes.  Dursley is still snoring loudly, so I quickly kiss Remus on the nose and push him off of me. 

          "Presents," says Peter excitedly.  Peter's normally pretty mature but on Christmas he's six years old again.  His call wakes Dursley, but none of us really notice him. 

          James holds a dilapidated cauldron out to us and says, "alright, everybody in."  Ever since first year this has been our Christmas tradition.  That year we all gave each other candy.  In order to assure more creative presents the next year, we decided to make a Christmas candy pool.  Everyone buys a large amount of candy and puts it into the pot (a cauldron that Remus melted in Potions sometime in first year).  Then we keep it in the dorm and everyone can have what they want.  We all throw in our share and move on to the other presents.

          I wait anxiously as Remus selects my present.  He smiles briefly as he pulls out a copy of, "_The Survival Guide for taking your NEWTs"._   It's then that I notice the other four copies of the same book already lying on his bed.  Looking around I notice that James and Peter are in the same predicament; come to think of it so am I.  It's the other things that I'm worried about anyways.  He opens the scarf.

          "Did you make this Padfoot?" he asks quietly.

          "Yeah," I reply shyly, "Lily taught me how to do it.  I've been working on it since November.  It's not very good, but your always cold so I though that I'd make you something to wear." 

          He smiles fondly at me and gives me a big hug, "Thanks Sirius," he whispers, "I love it."  With that he pulls away and puts it on.  There's one final thing and he's unwrapping it now.  It's a locket, gold in color, with his name engraved on it.  I know that it's kind of cheap and tacky, but I saw them on display in Hogsmeade and I had to buy it. 

          "Now it's your turn," he says to me.  I open the package to find a box with the words "Your NEWTs Survival Kit" painted on the lid.  Inside I find a copy of "_The Survival Guide for taking your NEWTs" _and on the inside cover I find this message…

          _Padfoot_

_                   Use this well, and always remember to be kind to your enemies for nothing annoys them quite so much.  All my love,_

_                                                                   Moony_

_P.S Turn to page 62 for a surprise._

          I quickly turn to the given page to find a few pictures of just the two of us.  There is also a locket identical to the one that I gave him except with my own name on it.  I put it on, hug him, and then examine the rest of the kit.  It's full of little things, from extra quills and ink to a dog collar.  There's even a little stress ball that looks like a wolf.  There's also a rat shaped one and a stag shaped one. 

          The girls wander in and I see that all of them are sporting lockets similar to mine and Remus'; Lily's and Jen's from their boyfriends and the other two from their sisters.  I can also see James and Peter are wearing them too.  Well that store certainly did some business this holiday season.

          It's now that I notice the small envelop sitting in my pile of unwrapped presents.  I open it and read the note which tells me to look out back for my big surprise.  I was wondering why I didn't get anything from the Potters.  They've kind of adopted me as a second son and I normally get a lot from them for Christmas.

          I run down the stairs and the others follow with superior looks on their faces.  They obviously know what's waiting for me outside.  I smile to myself as I run past the kitchen and smell cinnamon; Mrs. Potter is an excellent cook and breakfast is starting to sound more and more appealing to my rumbling stomach. 

          Outside is a large black motorcycle.  "Oh," breathe as I walk to it and tentatively reach out to touch it.  There are even two helmets so that someone can ride with me.

          "It flies too," James says proudly. 

          The Potters have arrived in the doorway and I run and hug them.  "Thank you so much, this is the best Christmas present ever!" I say to them as we stand in the frosty December air. 

          "I know that you've probably not had many great presents from your folks so this is to make up for it," says Mrs. Potter quietly, then louder, "why don't you take it for a test run?"

          I nod eagerly and say, "Remus you want to test this thing out with me?"  He agrees and soon he's sitting with his arms firmly around my waist and we're flying.  I fly away from the house a bit so that we can't be seen and we land.

After we've kissed a bit he says, "We'd better go back.  They might get worried and I'm starving."  I nod in agreement, kiss him one last time and take off for the Potter's house with a very happy grin on my face.    

James' POV

          The past twenty-four hours have been a lot of fun.  From watching Sirius trying to tell Vernon about his "girlfriend" at dinner last night to Jen's little sister blatantly flirting with Remus it's been very amusing.  But now I'm getting nervous.

          I love Lily with all my heart.  She was a hard one to catch, but once I tuned my ego down she agreed to go on one date with me.  She said that it was to make me stop bothering her, but when I asked her out again she consented.  Now I want to spend the rest of my life with her.  I've never felt this way about anyone before. 

          "Lily," I say, "could I have a word with you outside?"  She nods and we head outdoors to the gazebo.  There's a two person swing out there and earlier I put a heating charm on the place so that we won't freeze. 

          "What is it?" she asks.

          I've never been more nervous in my entire life.  "Lily," I start, "I've always loved you very much and I always will.  Now I have something for you, but first you have to answer a question."  I pull the small box from my pocket.  "Lily Evans will you marry me?"  I open the box to reveal the thin gold band with the diamond lily on it.

          "Oh James," she whispers, "of course I'll marry you."  Then she's in my arms and we're kissing and laughing and crying and everything's perfect. 

          We sit together like this for a long time, just holding each other in our happiness.  "When are we going to tell everyone?" she asks after a while.

          "How about at Christmas dinner?" I offer.  She nods and smiles and we're just moving in for another kiss when Mum calls us in for dinner. I take her hand and we walk indoors. 

The meal goes well.  There are no awkward conversations and the food is delicious; Mum's really outdone herself this year.  I stand and tap my empty glass with my fork.  "My I have your attention please?"  I yell to everybody. 

          When everyone's finally looking at me I say, "Mr. and Mrs. Evans, I would like to ask something of you."  They nod and smile at me so I continue, "I've already asked Lily and she's agreed so now I need to ask you."  The nervousness is returning to my stomach as I blurt out, "I would like to ask for your blessing and your daughters hand in marriage."  There I've said it.

          Mr. Evans looks at his wife then turns to me and says, "You have our blessing."  Then he comes around the table and shakes my hand.  He gives Lily a hug and everybody starts clapping; except Petunia and Vernon but I didn't really expect them to be all that excited about it anyways.     

Remus' POV

          I think that this has been one of the happiest weeks of my life.  It's been so wonderful to have everyone here having this huge never ending party.  Petunia and Vernon left the day after Christmas and the atmosphere was much less tense after that.  It was pretty obvious that they didn't want to be here and were uncomfortable.  Jen's little sister has a crush on me and it's annoying, but it's worth it to see Sirius get all jealous and angry.  I mean she's nice and all, but she's ten years old and really not my type.

          I love the scarf that Sirius gave me for Christmas.  It's not the prettiest thing to look at (red and gold, very lumpy, and slightly misshapen) but the colors are nice and it's the thought and the effort that count.  I know that it sounds silly, but I sleep with it every night as a substitute Sirius.  I know that we'll have to tell my mum someday but I'm just not ready yet.

          I'm really happy for Lily and James.  If anyone can make it through marriage I think that it's them.  The pair of them have been walking around with deliriously happy grins on their faces since James proposed.  That is of course whenever they're not attached at the lips.

          It's thirty seconds to midnight on New Years Eve.  We've been partying all night.  Mrs. Potter supplied a ton of food and James put on music.  My mum even danced with Mr. Evans, Mr. Potter, and Sirius.  "Come with me to get some pots to bang together when it hits midnight," says Sirius to me.  I grin and follow him.

          "Three, two, one…Happy New year!"  I hear from the other room.

          "Happy New Year Moony," says Sirius right before he kisses me deeply.

          "I think that it'll be a good one," I whisper back.  Then, "come on; let's get those pots and pans before they send out a search party."  We head back to the living room banging our cooking implements together extra loud.  I have a feeling that this is going to be an amazing year. 

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	16. Studying

Thanks to all reviewers!  I'm sorry that's this is taking so long, but with finals coming up I really haven't had that much time to write.  I'm sorry that it's so short, but this is an in-between chapter.  The next one should be much longer.  One last thing; I don't know how one becomes a teacher in the wizarding world, so I've used the word university for the place where teachers train.  Enjoy!

Sirius' POV

          It's amazing how quickly this year has gone by.  When I think about it it's really quite depressing.  This is my last year here and then it's off into the cold, cruel world.  I suppose that I'll always have my friends though and that's what counts.  I think that I'll also be seeing a lot of Dumbledore too, for a dark wizard named Voldemort is on the rise and I know that Dumbledore will need all the help he can get in fighting him.

          Things haven't really changed much since Christmas.  In January and February Remus and I spent long evenings by the fire and now as the weather gets a bit better, afternoons outside under a tree.  The biggest event occurred in April.

          When we were in our third year Peter made the remark that it would be helpful if we had a map that showed us where the teachers were on our late night runs to the kitchen.  James took the idea and ran with it.  So, by the end of our fourth year we had such a map that showed secret passageways and everything.  Sadly it has been confiscated by Filch.  Luckily we had enough time to wipe it clear before he took it, but I fear that it is gone for good.

          Now it's May and N.E.W.T.s are fast approaching.  All of us are studying a lot, but Remus is practically studying in his sleep.  Some nights he doesn't crawl into bed until three in the morning.  Right now we're sitting eating breakfast and he's got a book propped up against the juice jug.

          "I've been thinking," says James suddenly.

          "Did hell freeze over?" says Remus mildly as he comes out from behind his book, "James Potter is actually thinking about something?"  James glares at him and Remus says, "Just don't strain yourself too hard."  I smile to myself; Remus can have a nasty sense of humor when it's close to the full moon.

          James looks like he's going to come back with a witty comment of his own, but he lets it go.  "Anyway," he starts, "I was thinking that after school lets out the four of us should get a flat together for a while.  It'll give us all somewhere to live while we get settled into the world."

          "It also means that all of us will only have to pay a quarter of the rent," smirks Peter, "yes, count me in."

          "As long as Remus and I are in the same room," I say with a smirk.

          "Defiantly a two bedroom flat Wormtail," groans James.  Peter nods vigorously in agreement.

          "It sounds perfect James," says Remus quietly, "as long as I have somewhere to go during, uh, that time of the month."

          "I'm sure that Dumbledore would still let us use the shack," I say. 

          "I'm in then," Remus replies, "start looking for a place."  He pushes our copy of the Daily Prophet towards James and Peter who are seated across the table from us.  He then returns to his studying.

          "You know Jen we should do the same thing," states Lily.  Jen nods and the two of them join Peter and James behind the newspaper.  I smile at how perfect this will be and absently take Remus' hand.

          Classes today are boring.  It's not like they're easy, but the day just seems to drag on for forever.  Every teacher has given us a lecture about the importance of N.E.W.T.s today and I'm getting rather sick of them.  Every time we receive such lectures Remus gets this really worried look on his face and when I take his hand his palms are sweaty.  This could be attributed to the fact that it's hotter than hell in some of the classrooms though.

          When this day is finally over we drag ourselves up to the common room to do homework and to study.  We settle into the corner which we claimed as our own in our first year and open the books. 

          By eleven o'clock James, Peter, Jen, and Lily call it quits.  I glance over at Remus and for the first time in a while really look at him.  His skin is very pale and the bags under his eyes are enormous.  The full moon is in two days and I'm getting worried about him.

          I gently trace one of the bags; forcing him to look at me.  "You need to go to bed," I state, "Now."

          "I can't," he says, "I've got too much studying to do.  You go up; I'll be there in a bit."

          "No," I say forcefully, "you've got bags under your eyes bigger than your eyes themselves.  The moon will be full in two days and you need your rest."

          "You don't understand," he says in an almost desperate tone, "I have to do well on these tests so that I can get into university."

          "Remus you have some of the best grades in our year, of course you'll get into university."

          "No," he says quietly, "not with my condition they won't.  But I thought that maybe if I did really well on my N.E.W.T.s that they'd consider letting me in.  I already can't be an Auror, so I thought that maybe I'd be a teacher instead."  My heart clenches with this statement.  Because he's a werewolf he can't be an Auror; something about Ministry regulations or something.

          "You won't do well if you're too tired to remember what you studied," I say quietly as I wrap my arms around his thin body.  "I don't want you to hurt yourself during the moon because of lack of sleep."   

          "Alright," he says with a small laugh, "you win mother."

          "That's my boy," I laugh.  I pick him up and cradle him like a baby.  We then make our way up the stairs.  He lets his head fall onto my shoulder and a tired yawn escapes him. 

          When he's ready for bed and my skin crème has been applied, I sit next to him on our bed.  "Lay down," I say.  When he does as requested, I place my hands on the smooth plains of his back and gently rub; lulling him to sleep.  It's not like I don't trust him, but I have a feeling that if I go to sleep before he does, a book will find its way into his hands. 

          His breathing evens out, and I reluctantly remove my hands.  I then reach under the bed and pull out a book.  Just because I'm making him take a night off doesn't mean that I can.  I study for an hour more before snuggling down beside my Remus. 

Remus' POV

          It's my last transformation before I leave Hogwarts.  Call me sentimental, but it makes me a bit sad.  This place has so many memories for me.  I know that next month I'll probably be here again because Dumbledore has promised use of this place for as long as I need it, but it won't be the same.  Moving into our own flat is a scary and exciting prospect that I'm looking forward to.  I'm hoping that after James and Lily get married Sirius and I can get a place of our own.

          Moonbeams stream through the window and the change grips me.  Pain shoots through every molecule of my body and I black out.  I awake to cool, wet nose butting into me.  Padfoot licks me joyfully as I revive and get to my paws.  I great the rest of my pack members and we set out into the forest. 

          I enjoy these nights now that I have my pack with me.  Before they came it was awful, but now it's not so bad.  The pain of the transformations is still great and I do occasionally bite or scratch myself, but it is much better.  Padfoot and I wrestle in the forest and I'm happy.

          When dawn draws close we head back to the shack.  I transform back with almost as much pain as when I turned into my wolf form.  When the last convulsion passes I feel strong arms encase my body as I fall towards the floor.  The bed is soft as I am placed on it, and I feel my clothing being slowly eased onto my uncooperative limbs.  I sink back into the pillows and the last thing I feel as I drift off to sleep is a warm body sliding in next to me. 

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	17. Pranks and Questions

Thanks reviewers, especially since that last chapter is in bad need of editing. This is also getting almost sickeningly fluffy. Oh well, that's what the plot bunnies want and who am I to argue with them. This chapter will also be along those lines, but I'm hoping to negotiate with them on the next one. ::sighs:: Onward we go…

Remus' POV

"We need something spectacular," says James with a slightly maniacal glint in his eye. We're sitting in our dorm in a circle on the floor and planning our last prank together at Hogwarts.

"No girls allowed either," says Sirius, "it'll be like old times again when it was just us Marauders."

"If it's going to be like old times than no touching for you two either," says Peter with a laugh.

"It's not our fault that you two didn't pair up with each other," I say, "why should we be punished for your attraction to the fairer sex?" I find myself being attacked by two rather vicious pillows a second later.

I pull my own scarlet pillow from my bed and make an attempt at defense. In a very short time period, the room is covered in feathers and we're all laughing hysterically on the floor. "You are one sick bastard," James pants to me.

"Proud of it too," I gasp back in-between bursts of laughter. It takes several more minutes for us to finally regain enough composure to resume our planning session.

"Back to business boys," says James with mock sternness, "any ideas?"

"I think that we should do the whole school instead of just the Slytherins," says Peter, "including the teachers." We all look at him with big grins. Peter normally doesn't chime in with ideas until the final stages of planning; he's the kind of person who likes to wait until the big picture develops before he puts in his two knuts.

"Perfect," says James, "they'll never expect it. We'll go down in Hogwarts history as the first ever to get the entire school in one blow. No one is safe." He laughs dramatically and I can't help but notice what a drama queen, excuse me, king he really is.

"Hate to burst your bubble Prongs, but it has been done before," I say. "To mention a few…" I never get to finish my sentence because Sirius claps his hand over my mouth.

"Don't get him started James," Sirius says, "we'll never get anything done if Remus goes into teacher mode." I glare at him and am rewarded with a smirk. As soon as he lets go I stick my tongue out at him.

"Well," says James, "it'll be bloody brilliant anyway." There is a finality in his voice that none of us bother to contradict.

We sit in silence for a while until Sirius jumps up and yells, "I've got it!" He looks around at us and pauses for a few seconds for effect before going on. "We use the enchanted ceiling to rain some sort of potion on everybody while they're eating at the feast." We all smirk and settle down to work out the details.

Two hours and a trip to the library later we've got a fairly detailed plan. "Come on Sirius," says James, "let's go get those potions ingredients." They pull the invisibility cloak over themselves and exit the dorm.

"Let's go set up shop Wormtail," I say to the remaining Marauder. He nods eagerly and we head down to our hide out on the fourth floor. Even though our map has been confiscated, we're pretty sure that Filch has no idea how to work it and that the secret passages have remained secret. Ever since one of the tunnels that leads to Hogsmeade collapsed in our first year, we've been using the small space that is still accessible as a potion brewing room.

When we arrive I collapse on one of the oversized cushions that we have here for our comfort as Peter sets up the cauldron. Seeing as I'm hopeless at potions, I'm the one who always fetches things and reads off the ingredients.

By the time James and Sirius return with the ingredients that we don't already have in our stores, Peter has the cauldron boiling and the potion started. "Excellent," says James in a slightly maniacal voice as red smoke curls from the cauldron and it bubbles merrily.

Sirius' POV

I love pulling pranks. I suppose that that's my sadistic streak showing, but it's so much fun. We've got everything in place for tonight and I'm excited about it. Our potion will turn everyone in the Great Hall gold and scarlet in color. The color should last about three days. The best part, though, is that when the receiver of the potion tries to raise their voice above the normal level all that comes out is a lion's roar. The only people who won't befall this fate are the ones with the counter potion; namely James, Peter, Remus, and me.

There's something far more important tonight, however. I've got everything prepared and a spell on the Astronomy Tower to dissuade any unwanted visitors. Now all I need is Remus.

I find him in our dorm. He's sitting on my bed and looking at something, but when I enter he slips it into his pocket. "Come for a walk with me before the feast Moony?" I ask.

He smiles at me and says, "Sure Padfoot." I take his hand and we set off. The corridors are fairly empty, but that's to be expected. Most people are in their dorms packing so they don't have to do it after the feast. We do run across a few people though, most of whom look the other way or give us dirty looks. A pair of Slytherins even hiss at us, but over the year I've found that ignoring them is the best policy so we just walk on.

We arrive at the top of the tower just a little short of breath and I fling open the door to reveal the other thing I've been working on. Remus' mouth forms a small 'o' as I lead him towards his throne.

Earlier I brought one of the high backed chairs from the common room and it now awaits him. On the seat rests a box of Honeydukes' finest chocolate. "What's this all for?" he asks, "What are you after Padfoot? I haven't got any money to lend you."

I sigh dramatically, "Can't I spend some time with my boyfriend and a box of chocolate without you getting suspicious?"

"No," he states flatly.

I grab his hand and pull him to rest of the way over to the chair. "Just humor me Moony," I say. He sits in the chair and I settle myself at his feet with my arms resting on his lap. He lifts the lid from the box and I prepare myself for the show; watching Remus eat chocolate is always fun. He slips one into my mouth and I sigh contently as the rich flavor melts into my tongue.

I'm getting nervous. Well, it's now or never. I shift so that I'm on one knee and facing him. "Remus," I start, "we've known each other for a long time and it seems like I've loved you for longer. I-I can't stand the thought of not being with you. S-so would you m-marry me?"

He looks at me with a funny look on his face and much to my embarrassment he bursts out laughing. Does this mean what I think it means? Does he not love me? Why would he want to marry me anyway, I mean, can two blokes even get married? He probably wants to settle down with some woman and have lots of kids. I get to my feet quickly and turn to walk away. With a blush staining my cheeks cherry red I say, "I u-understand if you don't, um I'll be going now."

Much to my surprise he grabs my wrist and pulls me down onto his lap. "Silly Padfoot," he says as he nuzzles my neck and encircles my waist loosely with his arms, "of course I'll marry you."

"T-then why were you laughing?" I ask in a hurt voice.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to laugh." He says, "the irony of it all just struck me funny because I planned to ask you the same question later tonight. So, Sirius how about it, will you marry me?" I smile wildly and kiss him passionately.

"I'll take that as a yes," he whispers before he attacks my mouth again. When we can finally breathe again I slip my ring onto his finger and he does the same with mine.

We sit together for a while, holding each other and just being happy. "We should head down to the feast," he says.

I jump up and pull on his hand, "let's go we're going to miss the action!" I say. He laughs and allows himself to be pulled down the steep stairs.

The Great Hall looks wonderful, even though it's decked out in Ravenclaw colors. We pull too many pranks for Gryffindor to win the cup, even with Lily gaining them left and right. We seat ourselves with James, Peter, Lily, and Jen and place our hands on the table so that the rings are in view.

We are halfway into the meal before Lily finally notices. After many pats on the back, hand shakes, and well wishes Jen says, "So who proposed?"

"I did," we both say at the same time. "Well, we kind of proposed at the same time, although I asked first," I say.

"I think the better question would be who's going to wear the dress," says James with a laugh.

I'm about to answer that Remus will when he says, "we'll wear dress robes."

"But you'd look so cute in a wedding dress Moony," I say playfully.

"Shut up Black before I make you," Remus replies. Before I can reply, thunder crashes and the Marauders smile. This is the signal for our prank to begin. Liquid suddenly pours down from the ceiling and coats everything it touches in red or gold. We timed it so that the meal would be almost over and the dessert not out yet. The only people not covered when it finally stops are James, Peter, Remus and me.

"Pot…ROAR," our potions Professor starts to yell yet can't due to the second part of the spell. Yet he's the only one, besides the Slytherins, who seems remotely angry. Even Professor McGonagall is sporting a small smile on her face and Professor Dumbledore is outright laughing. All over the hall people are trying out their ability to roar.

"How come we weren't in on this?" Jen asks with mock anger.

"I wanted to include you but Sirius just wouldn't allow it," Peter answers with mock sorrow.

Dessert is brought out and consumed rather quickly and before I know it we're leaving the hall. "I do believe that that was your best prank yet," says Dumbledore with a wink as we pass by.

Third Person POV

The group made its way back to their common room where they sat and talked for a while before heading up their respective staircases for their last night there.

While James and Peter were brushing their teeth and whatnot Remus and Sirius were having a discussion. By the time the other two were back in the room Sirius was whispering, "We'll wait 'till their asleep then use loads of silencing charms." Remus nodded and looked a bit nervous but he smiled.

Two hours later Remus Lupin and Sirius Black made love for the first time. It was clumsy and awkward at first but they got it eventually and it was beautiful.

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	18. Mum Can We Talk?

Thanks to reviewers.  I'm sorry about the sporadic updates; I've been away a lot.  They should be back to semi-normal in September.  Yes, I said September, meaning that this fic is far from over.  On a side note, my stars and squiggles indicating chapter breaks have disappeared.  Oh well, Enjoy!

Remus' POV

          I'm scared and excited at the same time.  The train is moving faster and faster towards my new life and I'm eager for it to begin.  Our N.E.W.T.s results won't come until sometime in July, so for now we'll just settle into our flat. 

          I thought that it was a bit risky renting a flat without even seeing it first, but the agent sent us pictures and the others insisted.  So, instead of going home we'll be heading there instead.  James figured that we should probably do our decorating before we moved all our stuff in and we all agreed.  Lily and Jen found a flat just down the road, so we'll be seeing a lot of them.

          The train pulls into the station and we disembark.  Lily and Jen are crying, but they've got big smiles on their faces.  I swear that I'll never understand girls.  From the look on James' face he doesn't look like he understands any better than I do.  He puts an arm around his girlfriend and leads her off the platform.  Peter does the same. 

          I look at Sirius questioningly but he just shrugs his shoulders and kisses my nose.  I laugh and we follow our friends out into the sunny station. 

          We catch a taxi (and a few odd stares) to our new flat.  "Home sweet home," says Sirius as he unlocks the door and leads the way into our new abode. 

          It's not much, but it's ours as long as we pay the rent.  There are two bedrooms, a small kitchen, a bathroom, and a living area.  James and Sirius immediately charge off down the narrow hall to claim rooms.  James, being the one who started running first, secures the larger room for himself and Peter. 

          "Oh well Moony," says Sirius in mock sorrow, "I guess that we'll just have to get one big bed, 'cause it doesn't look like two will fit."  He winks at me and turns to the others.  Wormtail has turned a delicate shade of green. 

          "Oh come on Peter," I say, "it's not like we didn't share a bed for a year and a half at Hogwarts."

          "Yeah," says James, "but now you'll be alone, and I don't even want to think about what you would do alone."

          "Nothing we haven't done in the dorm," smirks Sirius. 

          Now James has turned slightly green.  "You mean you've…" he says.

          "Yup," returns Sirius with an evil grin.  I bury my face in my hands; sometimes Sirius just doesn't know when to keep his mouth shut.

          "Well shall we take a walk around and find something to eat?" asks Peter in a vain attempt to change the subject.  I agree, happy for an excuse to get out of this embarrassing conversation. 

          We head outside and when we reach the street Sirius goes for my hand.  "We shouldn't," I say to him as I pull away.  "This is a chance for us to go private again.  Just think; no more dirty looks when we walk by, no more hate crimes against us.  We can be normal again." 

          "I suppose you're right," he mutters, "although we've never been normal by any stretch of the imagination." 

          "Good thinking," says James; then, "how about Chinese takeout for dinner?"  He points to a restaurant across the street and we head in.

          It's an hour later and we've just finished off the last of the Chinese food.  "I think that the first order of business is to change the color of this rug," says James.  He does have a point there.  The rug is a puke brown color, shag and residing in our living room.  "I think that we should make it red and gold," James adds.

          "We've been living with those colors for seven years," complains Sirius, "how about blue instead."

          "I'd rather a shade of purple," I interject.

          "How about green," says Peter timidly.

          "That's a Slytherin color Wormtail," says James in an outraged voice.

          "I was thinking more of a light green," says Peter, "Slytherin is more of an emerald green."  The argument rages on for a while before we decide that we're never going to agree. 

          "What if we divided the room up into sections?" suggests Peter.  It's agreed upon, and the result is a very interesting looking rug.  It is so interesting that it is the first thing Lily comments on when she comes through the door.

          Jen and Lily stay until ten.  While they're here they help us draw up a chore schedule and division of the rent.  After James and Peter have kissed their girlfriends goodnight, we all settle down on our multi-colored rug for the night.  Tomorrow will be a big day.  I'm going home and I'm taking Sirius.  I've got to tell Mum sometime and I figure that I might as well get it out of the way.  I snuggle up to Sirius and hope that she'll take it well.

Lucy Lupins' POV

          My son will be here soon.  He didn't come home right away because he's renting a flat in London with his friends.  I'm so proud of Remus.  He's put up with so much; from my husband's abuse to being a werewolf.  He's made it though.  He's graduated from the best wizarding school in the country and has friends who accept him for who he is. 

          There's a knock at the door; he's here.  "Mum," he calls from the kitchen, "I'm home."e   

  He walks in from the kitchen and I get a good look at him before he sits down.  He's a bit taller and he looks a spot healthier than when I saw him last.  He's still too thin though. 

          He sits down on the couch opposite from where I'm sitting in my rocking chair which was a present from the Potters.  "Mum," he says, "before we sit down and have a nice long chat there's something I need to tell you."  He's twisting his hands nervously and not looking me directly in the eye; this must be big. 

          "I'm listening dear," I say gently. 

          "Well," he says slowly, "I'm engaged." 

          "That's wonderful," I say happily. Why was he so nervous about telling me this?  It's wonderful news.  "Does she know about your, um, condition?" I ask.

          "Yes, my fiancé knows about it and is okay with it," he says a bit louder, although he still won't look me in the eye.  "I brought my fiancé with me," he says quietly again.

          Sirius Black walks through the door way.  "Hello Sirius dear," I say pleasantly, "did you come along with Remus and his wife to be?" 

          "Wife?" Sirius asks blankly, "Is there something you're not telling me about Moony?"

          "No Sirius there's nothing I can think of," replies Remus.

          "But if there's no woman, than…oh," I say as realization hits me.  A moment later I pass out.

          "Mum, Mum, MUM," is what I awaken to.  I'm on the floor and Remus is hovering over me.  Further up is Sirius.  "Please go fetch me a glass of water Padfoot," says Remus.  My son helps me back into my chair and Sirius returns with the water.

          "Why don't you go up to my room and start getting my things together Padfoot.  You remember where it is," says Remus quietly, "I'll be up in a bit."  Sirius looks as if he's going to protest, but a look from Remus sends him off and up the stairs.

          "Well there it is," Remus says once Sirius' footsteps have faded away.  "I'm gay." 

          "How do you know?  Are you sure?  This could just be a phase," I say desperately, "you don't want to settle down with someone and then realize that it was just hormones.  Or is it because he accepts you?  Remus, just because most people are against werewolves doesn't mean that everyone is.  I'm sure you could find a nice girl who'll love you."  I know that I'm babbling, but I don't want my only son to do this.  He has a tough life already, why is he making it harder for himself? 

          "I've never been surer of anything in my entire life," he says quietly, "I love him mum.  Shouldn't that be important to you, for me to find someone that I love?"

          "Yes, but do you really love him," I ask, "you're only eighteen Remus, how can you make that kind of decision so early?"

          "James and Lily are getting married and no one said anything about them," he retorts in a steadily rising voice. 

          "Remus he's a boy," I say desperately.

          "WHY SHOULD THAT MATTER," he's shouting now, "I LOVE HIM AND THAT'S ALL THAT SHOULD MATTER!  STOP BEING A HOMOPHOBE AND PLEASE ACCEPT THIS." 

          "I JUST WANT WHAT'S BEST FOR YOU," I scream back.

          "THIS IS WHAT'S BEST FOR ME," he bellows, "I'VE NEVER BEEN HAPPIER IN MY ENTIRE LIFE!  THIS PAST YEAR AND A HALF THAT I'VE BEEN WITH HIM HAS BEEN AMAZING!  I FUCKING LOVE HIM, WHY CAN'T YOU UNDERSTAND THAT?"

          He swore at me!  In the eighteen years that I've been a mother not once has he cursed at me!  "YOU'D BE HAPPIER WITH A WOMAN REMUS.  YOU WON'T BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN, PEOPLE WILL SCORN YOU, HELL, IT WON'T EVEN BE LEGAL!"

          "PEOPLE SCORN ME ALREADY!" he counters, "AT LEAST THIS WAY I'LL BE HAPPY!  PLEASE, MOST OF THE WORLD IS AGAINST ME, I DON'T WANT MY OWN MOTHER AGAINST ME TOO!"  With that he rushes off up the stairs.   

          I follow him slowly up the stairs.  His door is slightly ajar when I reach it and I can hear Remus' voice inside, "I just wish that she would understand!  We've been through so much only to come home and get more of it.  I…I want her blessing so much Padfoot!  I always thought that besides you she was the only one who really understood me, but I guess I was wrong."

          "Don't talk like that Remus," says Sirius quietly, "she's just in shock.  If she loves you half as much as you say she does than eventually she'll realize that you're happy and that you can no more help being gay than the sky can help being blue." 

          The way they interact amazes me.  Remus has always been a reserved person.  The only person who I've ever seen him open up to like that is myself and even that doesn't happen often.  He hasn't cried in years, yet he's starting now.  I can see that he's trying to stop it from the way he's swiping at his eyes.  Sirius notices too.  He puts his arms around my son and draws Remus close to him.

          "I…I just w…want," Remus stutters.

          "Shhh love," whispers Sirius, "it'll be alright."  He tightens his arms around Remus who buries his head in Sirius' shoulder.  They stand like that for a while, just holding each other and Sirius rubbing Remus' back.

          Eventually they draw away a bit, but they're still locked in the other's embrace.  "Better now?" Sirius asks.  Remus nods.  Their eyes meet and a second later they're kissing, no, they're snogging.  Sirius' hands travel down Remus' back and when they come to rest on his arse and give a slight squeeze I let out a small gasp.

          They immediately spring apart.  Remus stays on his feet, but Sirius isn't so lucky.  He lands in Remus' open trunk that is in the process of being packed.  It surprises me slightly because I had forgotten that he's moving out in the chaos of his announcement.  "Dinner's ready," I say feebly before fleeing the room.  Truth be told dinner has been ready since before they got here.

          Dinner is a tense affair.  Sirius keeps sending me death glares over his stew and is holding Remus' hand very obviously on the table top.  Remus' looks are worse; because they are full a pain.  They do seem to be in love though.  Maybe I should give them my blessing.  They've been lovers for a long time and friends for much longer.  Sirius would take care of him; I just don't want him to have a harder life than he already does.

          "Why don't you boys head upstairs and pack a bit while I clean up," I say quietly when the meal is finally through, "when I'm done I'll call you and we can talk."  They nod and head off up the stairs, Sirius' arm around Remus' waist and Remus' arm around the other's shoulders.  I like washing dishes; it has a calming effect on me.  So, by the time I've put the last glass in the cupboard, I'm ready to talk. 

          They stomp down the stairs and seat themselves on the sofa.  I'm already sitting in my rocking chair.  "Now before you start yelling at me," I start, "I'd like you to hear me out.  While I'm not happy with this decision, I really don't think that there's anything I can do about it.  I love you very much Remus and I don't want you to get hurt.  It'll take some getting used to on my part, but I want you to be happy and fighting this will not help to achieve that.  Since you appear to be in love, I suppose that the only thing I can do is to give you my blessing and to warn you that the path you're choosing will not be an easy one.  I love you, both of you, and I sincerely hope that you're happy together and that you'll visit me often."  I take a deep breath and wait for their reaction.

          Remus gets up and moves in front of me.  He kneels down so that we're eye to eye and says, "thank you mum, you have no idea how much that means to me."  He then throws himself into my arms. 

          Sirius rises also, "thank you Mrs. Lupin," he says softly.  There is nothing more that he needs to say and we both know it. 

          "It's okay Sirius," I say and as an afterthought, "and call me Lucy Sirius, there's no need to be formal."  He grins broadly as does Remus. 

          "Why don't you go get The Hobbit?" I say to Remus, "you can read."  He nods and takes off for the stairs.  Before Remus went to school and on holidays we would read in the evenings while his father was at work.  When he was still small I would read, but as he grew older the job somehow passed to him.  We've read a wide variety of both Muggle and Wizarding literature, but his all time favorite has always been The Hobbit.        

          He returns with a huge smile on his face; I don't see that smile often.  Sirius has settled himself lengthwise on the couch, and Remus sits down in-between his legs.  With Sirius' hands resting on his stomach, Remus opens the book and starts reading aloud.  It makes me feel like I did the right thing when I look at them together.  Although it makes me slightly uncomfortable, the small smiles that grace both their faces make up for it.

          An hour later Remus has fallen asleep and is curled up with his head resting on Sirius' shoulder.  The book has fallen to the floor.  "You really love him don't you?" I ask Sirius.

          "Yeah I do," he answers as he strokes Remus' head, a goofy grin gracing his lips.  They'll be alright.

          "Go to bed Sirius," I say, "I suppose you don't need me to get the camp bed?" 

          "I'll sleep on it if you want me to," he says, "but no, I don't need or really want it."

          "Goodnight Sirius," I say quietly as he rises and scoops Remus up into his arms.  Remus puts his arms around Sirius' neck and snuggles closer. 

          "Goodnight Lucy," says Sirius just as quietly so as not to wake the boy in his arms.  He then heads up the stairs in the direction of Remus' room.  I sigh and make my way to my own room.  It takes a long time for me to fall asleep. 

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	19. Letters and the Morning After

Hi all! Contrary to popular belief, I'm not dead. I've just been incredibly busy. (Stupid school) I can't promise weekly updates, but I'll try for every two or three. So, if anyone's still out there, I give you Chapter 19!

Remus' PoV

"Someone turn off the bloody sun," mutters Sirius from my bed. I smile from my place in the window seat as I watch him struggle with the blankets and fall off the bed.

"It's about time you woke up," I say as I walk over to help him up.

"About time?" he says indignantly, "it can't be long after seven!"

"Try ten," I say as he heads in the direction of the bathroom, "and hurry up, Mum made breakfast." It's not as if my mother never makes breakfast, it's just not a very common occurrence. Since my father always sleeps through breakfast, it's the one meal a day that she's not obligated to cook. No, my father _used _to sleep through breakfast; as in past tense. I hit myself lightly on the head; I can't do things like that to myself.

Sirius returns looking slightly more awake and as soon as he's struggled into his clothing (it was a close fight, but Sirius won in the end) we make our way downstairs. Mum is standing at the stove flipping pancakes when we enter. "Morning mum," I say cheerfully.

"Morning boys," she answers, but when she turns to face us she doesn't look directly at us. After eighteen years I can read my mother pretty well and she's now obviously uneasy. I know she said last night that she was alright with our relationship, but actions speak louder than words. The display we put on wasn't the right place or time. By her first reaction I should have known that she was uncomfortable with 'us'. I suppose that I was so relieved that I didn't take her presence into consideration. Sirius and I are both very physical people, probably a result of not having enough physical attention when we were young. He's worse than I am, but he's got two terrible parental units, I've only got one. Maybe I'll write mum a letter and apologize. I know that if I talked to her she would deny it and I would screw up what I wanted to say. I make a mental note to do so once we are in London again.

Sirius and I sit down at the table and fill our cups with juice. "It looks wonderful Mum," I say.

"Thank you darling," she says. The conversation seems unnatural. I feel Sirius' hand rest on my leg under the table. It's a game we play often, but today it doesn't seem right; at least not here. I gently shove the hand away and place both of mine on the table top. He gives me a hurt look, but places his on the table too and starts eating as if he hadn't eaten in weeks; in other words normally. Great, now I'll have to explain the whole situation to Sirius and make sure he doesn't get mad at me. He can be such a child sometimes.

To divert my attention and his I reach for the newspaper which is sitting next to the milk jug. The headline proclaims three dead as the result of a half blood killing. The criminals were masked and no suspects have been announced. This is what it always says, but everyone knows who's behind it. Voldemort is gaining power and it can only be a matter of time before I too am affected; I am a half breed after all.

When breakfast is finally eaten I grab Sirius and we make a hasty retreat to my room. "Lots to pack and their expecting us back tonight," I say as we exit.

"Thanks for breakfast Mrs. Lupin," calls Sirius as he hurries after me, "it was great."

As soon as we enter my room, Sirius says, "What was that about?" He fixes me with a pointed stare.

"I know that you probably don't realize it, but our being together makes people uncomfortable. I don't think that we should be as obvious about it, especially in front of Mum," I say.

"It never used to bother you before," Sirius states coolly.

"I know," I say pleadingly, "but this is my mother, not the prejudiced side of Hogwarts. I know she says she's okay with us, but it obviously makes her uncomfortable. She didn't look either one of us in the eye that entire meal." I don't want a fight with Sirius; not now.

"Alright," he says, "I won't touch you when she's in the room." He kisses me on the lips briefly and then says, "Well we better get started. You've got a lot of stuff for us to clear out Moony." I smile and heave a silent sigh of relief. I love my mum, but that has got to be the most awkward meal I've ever eaten.

We start packing my things into boxes which we shrink for easy travel when full. The hard part is deciding what to take. Most of my clothes had been with me at Hogwarts, but my summer things are here. I also must make decisions about my furniture. We decide to take my bed and desk for our room. The bed can be enlarged slightly, and it's always good to have a good writing surface. The rest of the things we have to sort through are old things mostly from my childhood and things that I couldn't take to Hogwarts in my seventh year.

We work steadily until about one o'clock. It is at that time that I find an old photo album. When I flip it open I choke slightly and say as lightly as possible, "Sirius I'm getting hungry, why don't you go fix us some lunch?" I ask.

"Alright," he says, "what do you want?"

"Whatever is down there," I say, "ask mum to help you find something." I just want him to leave. I've been way too open with him lately. I worked so hard to build my figurative emotional wall, and then Sirius came in and knocked it down. Emotion like this is weakness and self pity. A werewolf doesn't have room for self pity; I'd do nothing else but sit around and feel sorry for myself. I also don't need to let Sirius see it.

"Okay," Sirius says, "see you in a bit." He walks out the room, down the hall, and down the stairs. I open the album again to the first page that contains a picture of my mother, father, and me when I was about three. As I flip through the pictures they get less happy. There's even one of my father beating my mother that I had took at the age of seven. I had thought at the time that I could use as evidence against him if he was ever arrested. I forgot that I'd taken that picture. In the album there are also pictures of my friends and fellow classmates at Hogwarts, mostly from my first four years. The newer ones of my friends are in another album in my trunk.

When I get to the end I'm torn about what I should do. I hate him, yet I love him too. He's my father, and yet he's more of a monster than me. No, he was more of a monster than me. In the end I decide to save only three pictures with my father present; the first one where we were happy, the one of him beating my mother, and one taken the summer before he died. I also keep all the ones with my friends and the ones with my mother and myself. The rest I take to the bathroom and set on fire with my wand in the sink.

I smile a satisfied smile as I rinse the ashes down the drain. I'm washing away a bad part of my life doing this I tell myself. He can't hurt me anymore. I hear Sirius' voice drifting up the stairs. "Thank you Mrs. Lupin." I hurry back to my room and continue packing.

Sirius' PoV

It's been a month and a half since we got settled here. The trip to Remus' was, while uncomfortable, very productive and Remus receives an owl once a week from his mother which he faithfully replies. James has started training with England's Quidditch team and will play when the season starts. Peter and Jen have both taken jobs at the Ministry. Lily is working at Saint Mungo's as an apprentice healer. Remus has taken a job at a local Muggle market to make some money and so that we get a discount on food prices. I've also taken a job working at a Muggle cinema until Auror training starts in September. The things Muggles come up with never cease to amaze me. I also can take Remus there for free. We can't act couple like, but in the dark of the theater he sometimes lets me hold his hand.

Remus sent in his application for the university when his N.E.W.T.s scores arrived. He did very well and was third in the class at Hogwarts. The university is in London, and he would do well there. He's been waiting for a reply for a month. Well today it came and I'm waiting for him to come home so we can open it.

It's been a violent summer. Killings and torturing have been happening more and more. We try to ignore it, but it seems inevitable that it will affect us soon. Especially me because of the line of work I plan to pursue. I've heard rumors that my family supports it which doesn't surprise me, but makes me angry that they can't see past their stupid traditional ways.

The door opens and Remus comes stumbling in, two bags full of groceries in his arms. I hurry over to him and take one of the bags. We head to the small kitchen where I set my burden on the table that barely has enough room for all of us and has boxes for seats around it. As soon as Remus sets down his bag I kiss him. He smiles and we set to the task of unloading the bags. It's his week to cook, so he starts the task when we're done.

The delegation of chores was set up by Lily within the first week of our living here. We all have a week when we cook, but since Remus is by far the best at it he does it more often than not. I like to help him do this chore because I get to spend time with him like this; just simple moments. Merlin I'm getting sappy. I'm also learning the great art of cooking so that when I cook it doesn't turn out tasting like charcoal.

James and Peter arrive home just as dinner is finished cooking. As we sit down at our cramped table to eat our pasta I say, "A letter came for you from the university today Remus."

"Thanks for letting me know so soon Padfoot," he says jokingly, but there is an edge of nervousness to his voice. "I'll open it after dinner." He resumes eating, but not much more food makes it to his mouth. It does, however, make great amounts of distance around his plate.

When the dishes have been washed (by Peter and James) we head into our living room where everyone else settles onto our mismatched furniture. I hand Remus his letter and retreat to my armchair by the empty fireplace. Remus' hands are shaking slightly, but otherwise he is the picture of control.

He tears the envelope open slowly and pulls out the parchment that's inside. His eyes scan the paper quickly and then he sags into his end of the couch that he's sharing with Peter. "I… I didn't get in," he says heavily after a thick moment of silence. His face is devoid of all emotion, but his hands are shaking more violently now even though he has then clasped together on his lap.

"But your grades are so good!" exclaims Peter, "Why wouldn't they let you in?"

"Because of what I am," he replies quietly. Peter's face goes from one of confusion to one of guilt at having forgotten this rather crucial fact. The silence is deafening and I don't know what to do. He's upset, but it would be like pulling teeth to get him to admit that.

Then inspiration strikes me and I say, "I'm cold." James looks at me like he's not sure if he should laugh or punch me in the face.

"So put a sweater on," says Remus, "although it's the middle of August; you shouldn't be cold."

"I'd prefer it if you warmed me up," I say.

"I believe that's our cue to leave Wormtail," says James as he practically jumps out of his chair. Remus also gets up as the other two exit the room and walks over to stand in front of me.

"How exactly do you propose I do that Mr. Padfoot," he says.

"Why by sitting on me of course," I say playfully while still trying to transfer the fact that I want to comfort him. He smiles weakly and seats himself on my lap. I put my arms around him and we sit like that for a long time.

We're interrupted by Professor Dumbledore's voice coming from our empty fireplace. "If anyone is there would you mind lighting a fire so I can come through?" I reach for my wand and light it, while Remus gets up and returns to the other side of the room where he opens a book. As soon as Dumbledore is through though, he sets it down again.

"There's really no point in dancing around the subject," says Dumbledore as soon as greetings and formalities have been exchanged, "I'm assuming you got your letter Remus?" Remus nods yes and Dumbledore continues. "Well it really seems a waste of a Hogwarts education if you don't follow the path you want to, so here is my offer; I would like to personally teach you what you would have learned in the university plus a little extra if you're willing."

"Really?" says Remus in disbelief.

"Yes," says Dumbledore. Before Remus can say anything else he adds, "And I'm not doing this because I feel sorry for you so don't say anything Mr. Lupin. I will see you on September the first at nine o'clock sharp. You can come by floo; the address is Professor Dumbledore's office. Goodbye boys."

Without further comment, he walks to the fireplace, takes a pinch of floo from the pot and vanishes. 'It will never cease to amaze me how that man knows everything," says Remus after both of us has had a moment to take in what just happened.

I laugh and say, "The world may never know." Then after a pause I say, "Let's turn in early tonight." He agrees and we head off for our bedroom.

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	20. Cookies and Fights

Today is this stories' one year anniversary; just in case you were wondering. I'm sorry about slow updating, I'm busy and it's just not flowing like it used to.

Third Person PoV

So life has continued for the Marauders. Remus has been learning the art of teaching as well as defense. Sirius has also been learning this art and the two of them are teaching their new skills to the others. Tension in the wizarding world is mounting with the rising of Voldemort. The Daily Prophet tells of more attacks everyday, but this hasn't affected the lives of our characters yet. They are aware of it, but it has not hit home and their daily lives have not changed.

Four months have passed since we last saw them. They are, for the most part, happy. They have their disagreements, but nothing drastic has happened. They're also finding that pulling together rent every month is harder than they thought it would be, but they always squeak by. The absence of house elves has been lamented at least twice a week if not more, but they divide the work and most of the time it gets done (although everything could use a good dusting). And so the scene opens…

Sirius' PoV

"Sirius," Remus calls from the kitchen, "could you come here for a second?" I sigh and get up from my position on the couch.

"You rang?" I say as I enter the room.

"Yeah," he says, "could you run to the store and fetch me a bag of flour? Lily's coming over to make Christmas cookies with me and we haven't got any."

"Why is Lily coming to make cookies here and why are you helping her?" I ask.

Remus blushes and mutters something about embarrassing photos, not wanting to go caroling, and blackmail. I nod and say, "So why do I have to go get it?"

"Because I asked you to," he replies, "and because she'll be here any minute and I guessed you'd rather get the flour than entertain Lily when she's in baking mode." When he puts it like that there's really no debating, so I kiss him and get my coat. "Thanks Padfoot," he says as I walk out the door.

A burst of cold air hits me as I exit the building. I reach into my pocket for my wand to cast a warming spell on myself, but my wand is missing. I turn to go back for it, but I'm only going down the street so I don't bother.

I make it to the store without a problem and start the walk back. I'm almost to the flat when three teenaged boys step into my path.

"Well look what we have here boys," the one who appears to be the leader says, "It's one of the fairies."

"Running errands for your boy toy?" Another one sneers. While that's exactly what I'm doing I'm not about to admit it to them; especially without my wand. How do they know anyway?

Suddenly they grab me and two of them are holding my arms tightly behind my back. The flour falls to the ground and bursts open. The one who appears to be the leader brings his face close to mine and says, "We don't like your kind, pouf. We'd also like to suggest you close your curtains." Then, "what do you say we teach it a lesson boys?" They laugh somewhere near my ears.

I try to fight them, but they've got me held too tightly. I'm not that experienced in fighting anyway. The few fights I've been in, either my opponent or I have remembered that we have wands and employed their use. "Get off me," I yell, "what have I ever done to you?"

"Well you were born for starters," the leader sneers as he deals a hard punch to my stomach. "We don't like sodomites in this neighborhood, freak," he spits as he punches me in the face.

"At least I have someone," I manage to gasp before he strikes me again. My comment seems to have enraged him, because he hits me harder and faster.

Finally they finish and I slump to the ground. "That's your warning," the leader says as I start to lose consciousness, "stop your disgusting behavior or you child molesters will be sorry." I groan and they laugh and walk away. The world goes black.

Remus' PoV

"I don't know what could be taking Sirius so long," I say as Lily and I sit at the kitchen table, "I just sent him to get flour." The fact that his wand is on the table worries me, but I don't voice those fears. With the number of attacks increasing each day I suppose I have the right to worry. But the attacks are normally on Muggle-borns, or Muggles themselves. Sirius is a pure blood I tell myself sternly.

Suddenly the door opens and James staggers in with Sirius leaning heavily on his shoulder. "What happened," I exclaim as I rush over to them. Sirius puts some of his weight on me and together with James we make it to the couch.

"I found him outside the building on the ground," says James, "whoever beat him up was long gone."

I sit on the floor next to the couch and say quietly, "who did this to you Padfoot?"

I carefully brush his hair out of his eyes as he says, "some Muggles. They said it was a warning to you and me; don't want us together."

"How did they find out?" I ask.

"Apparently we don't close our curtains," he says with a ghost of a smile.

"I think I can get rid of some of the pain if you want," says Lily as she walks around to stand behind me. "I can't get rid of the marks yet, but I can start the healing process and, like I said, get rid of most of the pain."

"That would be great Lily," says Sirius.

"This might sting a bit," she says as she gets out her wand. I take his hand and as Lily starts healing him he squeezes it, hard.

She's just finishing up, when Peter and Jen come in the door. "We've got something to tell every… what happened?" says Peter as they come into the room.

"Some Muggles beat him up," says James.

"I didn't have my wand," says Sirius, "and they surprised me."

"What's your news Peter?" I ask, hoping to change the subject. It works.

"Well," says Peter, "what do you all think of a February wedding?" Jen holds out her hand to show off the slim gold band with a small diamond on it. Lily squeals and hurries over to them to look at it.

"Congratulations Wormtail," exclaims James, patting Peter on the shoulder. Sirius and I offer similar sentiments.

"Let's go in the kitchen and leave them alone," says Lily to Jen, "I suppose you're off cookie duty Remus," she says before pulling Jen into the kitchen.

"We've got some planning to do boys," says James with a slightly evil glint in his eye. "Looks like the Marauders are back in business." We all nod in agreement. No one hurts a Marauder and gets away with it.

One Week Later

Sirius is healing nicely and our plan is set to be put into action. We've figured out where Sirius' attackers live and their basic daily schedule. We've also started to look into a new place to live.

We don't want it to seem like we're running away, but the city isn't the best place for us anyway. With Peter and Jen getting married so soon and with James and Lily getting married shortly, they want their own places too. So far, Peter and Jen want to stay in London, James and Lily want to move out of the city, but still want to be in a large town, and Sirius and I want to go to the country; preferably somewhere with woods and no close neighbors.

The plan doesn't so much involve pain and humiliation as it does fear. Since Sirius' assailants are Muggles, we're going to scare them a bit, then erase their memories of everything about us including the fact that Sirius and I are together. The only thing we'll leave with them is the fear of us. The idea is that they'll not want to come near us again and that we'll have some fun.

They're coming around the corner. James mutters the spell for the snow balls to start attacking. After a few minutes of confusion, Sirius says the spell for the leader of the gang to start rising into the air. Peter makes one of the other's clothes disappear, and I turn the last one into a pig. At a signal from James we all stop or reverse our spells.

"That's your warning," says Sirius, "come near me, my boyfriend, or any of my other friends again and I'll show what I can really do with this." He says this as he walks towards them, holding his wand in a defensive position in front of him. "I'm going to erase your memories now," he continues, "it's been fun, but I think it's time this whole thing stopped don't you?" Before they have time to do anything he says the spell and hurries away. James turns each of the boy's hair a nice shade of neon pink before we run for the flat.

"I think that takes care of them," says James when we are back in the flat.

"It better," mutters Sirius as he pulls me into his lap.

I let him hold me for a minute before saying, "Lily and Jen left a plate of cookies in the kitchen. They brought them over this morning. Anyone want one?" I ask.

"Is there stuff to decorate them with?" asks Sirius hopefully.

"Yes," I say.

"Well then what are we waiting for?" he exclaims, "Let's go!" He stands, I fall to the floor, and we laugh our way into the kitchen.

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	21. Wedding

This is coming along really slowly and I'm sorry about that, but it's just not flowing. I will finish this, it's just going to take a little longer than I originally intended. I'm really sorry about the wait.

Sirius' PoV

We've found the perfect house. It's small and old and wonderful. We're going to buy it outright, so paying rent won't be a problem and then we're going to fix it up. It's got woods in the back so Moony and Padfoot can run free at the full moon. Our neighbors are pretty far up the road and we're about a fifteen minute walk from the closest town. The house has two bedrooms, a small kitchen, a sizeable living area, and a bathroom. It also has a good sized shed out back and a nice yard. We've even got a front porch!

Peter and Jen have also found a good sized flat in Muggle London. I haven't seen it yet, but apparently it's very nice and their rent is really good. They're moving in right after their honeymoon. (The wedding is tomorrow.)

James and Lily are moving into a house like us. It's in Godric's Hollow, a nice little neighborhood with a lot of younger families. Their house is a bit bigger than ours, but I have a feeling they'll fill it up pretty quickly. They won't, however, move in until after they're married. (The date for that wedding hasn't been set yet.) As soon as they move into their house we'll move into ours. We want to get out of this flat quickly, but not so fast that it seems like we're running away. This place was only meant to be temporary anyway.

This last month has been a flurry of wedding preparations. Remus will be Peter's best man and Lily Jen's maid of honor. Everyone was a bit shocked when Peter asked Remus to be his best man; I mean Peter has always had a bit of an obsession with James. When Remus asked him, Peter said something to the effect of, "well I didn't want to ask James because then he'll feel guilty when he picks Sirius as his best man." Sometimes Peter shocks us all.

It's going to be a small affair; just close friends and family. It'll also be on Valentines Day. The whole idea of getting married on Valentines Day seems incredibly soppy to me, but to each his own. I think that Lily and James are looking at a summer wedding. I don't know if Remus and I will ever get married. We haven't really looked into it very carefully, but I don't think we'll be able to find someone who will do the service for us. It doesn't really matter to me if the Ministry approves or not; we love each other and have exchanged rings and that's good enough for me. Maybe one day it'll happen though.

"Sirius," calls Remus, "come to bed we've got a big day tomorrow." I sigh and rise from the chair I've been sitting in for the past half an hour.

"What were you doing out there?" he asks as I climb into my side of the bed and snuggle up behind him.

"Just thinking," I say as I turn out the lights with my wand before throwing it onto the bedside table. (Alright it's a piece of wood nailed to the wall, but who's asking?)

"About what?" he asks as he turns to face me.

"Love, marriage, what's happened in the past couple of months," I say with a yawn.

"Ah," he says, "well don't get too maudlin." Then, "night Padfoot."

"Night Moony," I reply as I kiss his nose. He laughs sleepily and returns the kiss. We're both sleepy, having returned from Peter's bachelor party not too long ago. Remus didn't drink at all, and I only had a pint. It'll be interesting getting James up in the morning though.

Remus' PoV

Today's the big day. Well, it's Peter's big day really, but he's the first Marauder to get married so it's a pretty big day for all of us. I woke up this morning to the lovely sound of James throwing up. Luckily, Lily showed up with a hang-over potion before Peter could have a heart attack.

We're all dressed in dress robes, and I feel ridiculous, but Jen insisted that we all look our best. (Personally, I think I look bad, but I didn't tell Jen that.) Sirius, however, looks marvelous.

"The car is here," calls Peter. We've rented a car to take us to the ceremony. Jen and Lily will get there in a similar fashion. We all pile in and we're off. Peter is muttering under his breath and wringing his hands. He always has gotten extremely nervous about things.

We arrive at ten minutes to noon and head in. The wedding is supposed to happen at twelve thirty and the reception will start at one. It's going to be a brunch and will go all afternoon and possibly into the evening. There won't be any dinner, however, so it probably won't go too late.

We enter the building and Peter starts looking around frantically for Jen. "She's here, don't worry," says James soothingly. To us he mutters, "absolutely nutters this one."

"I heard that," says Peter petulantly as he punches James' arm lightly.

The time flies quickly, and before I know it, Jen is Mrs. Jennifer Pettigrew. They kiss happily, and rice is thrown from every direction. We all tramp across the hall for the reception.

I have to say that the hall they've picked is beautiful. There are flowers everywhere, and a small fountain stands in the center of the room. Tables are arranged on one side of the room, and the remaining area consists of a dance floor. A bar is set up on the far side of the room, and directly to my left is the buffet. Plates are filled, and the guests make their way to their seats.

The food is amazing, and before long everyone is stuffed to the brim. I give my obligatory speech, but it's not much. I can't really say what Peter has done for me over the years without incriminating myself and others, so it's not much but I think he knows what I mean. The best speech by far, is Dumbledore's. He talks about love shining through even in the shadows of war and death. I see some tears with this one, and Sirius squeezes my hand under the table.

Someone, however, has a sadistic streak and seated me next to Melanie. Now eleven, she's still as flirty as ever. Every time she tries to engage me in conversation, Sirius growls softly. Either Jen or Lily is going to pay for this later (seeing as they did all the seating), but for now I may as well have some fun with this. A jealous Sirius can be fun.

The meal is over and dancing has begun. "Would you like to dance?" I ask Melanie politely, holding out my hand. She looks like she might faint for a second before accepting quickly. I watch as Sirius' face turns red and give him a little wave, before heading out onto the dance floor.

We dance a fast song together, before a slow one comes on. She looks at me expectantly and I think 'why not?' "Remus," she starts, batting her eyelashes furiously, "do you believe that people can fall in love even if they're far apart in age?"

I sigh. I've got to end this before she asks me to marry her or something. "It can happen," I start slowly, "but I don't think it's going to happen here. You're a very nice girl, but it just wouldn't work honey. One day you'll find someone who can love you and who's closer to your age, but today is not that day."

She looks up at me with tears in her eyes. "Is there something wrong with me?" she asks woefully.

Oh damn. "Melanie listen to me," I say carefully, "you are a wonderful person, but I already have someone. You're also eleven years old."

"B…but Jen said that you don't have a girlfriend," she stutters.

"I don't," I say quietly. I take a deep breath before saying, "I have a boyfriend, and he's currently glaring at us." She glances around the room until her eyes rest on the pouting Sirius.

"Him!" she says, "the two best looking guys in the room are dating each other?"

"Well," I say, "yes. It's not something we advertise though."

"So it's a secret," she says, her eyes getting big.

"Yes and no," I say. "A lot of people know, but the majority of them don't and we'd like to keep it that way. Can you keep it a secret?"

"Yes," she says, "I suppose this means you guys want me to leave you alone?"

"Oh course not," I say, "just because I don't want to date you doesn't mean we can't be friends." She's really not that bad, I just don't like her hanging on me. "You can tell us about Hogwarts; tell us if it's changed any. Besides, Sirius doesn't know that you know about us."

She grins widely and says, "Let's go then."

It takes Sirius exactly one hour and fourteen minutes before he cracks and tells Melanie that we're dating. She looks at me and we burst out laughing. Sirius looks between the two of us, before dragging me away to explain myself.

Out in the hallway, I explain the whole thing to him and he says, "You are a very evil man Remus Lupin, a very evil man."

"It serves you right for being jealous of an eleven year old girl Padfoot," I reply with a laugh.

"You know what your punishment is right?" he asks.

"What?" I reply.

"You, Remus Lupin, are going to dance with me," he says with a smirk.

"Oh no, anything but that," I say sarcastically. He laughs and pulls me into his arms. We dance until Lily comes and finds us for the cutting of the cake.

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